s01e04 - Something Fishy - 16 LUFS.wav
s01e04 - Something Fishy - 16 LUFS.wav: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
s01e04 - Something Fishy - 16 LUFS.wav: this wav audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Russ:
Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Russ:
Three of the Merrow, Rock the Boat Again.
Amy:
I break out into song from Guys and Dolls. (group laughs)
Carla:
This is all thats been in my head Amy, ever since he said "Rock the Boat" the first time!
Russ:
You see off in the distance some fishing boats and they are beginning to paddle away from you.
Tom:
They do not like the cut of our jib.
Carla:
Could Don E... cuz he can speak to people telepathically using images.
Russ:
He does that and they all look confused and some of them a bit scared.
Tom:
Solid.
Russ:
The fact that they're seeing these images...
Amy:
Against their will. Oh, my God, Don E just totally mind-raped them. Jesus!
Carla:
What else do we see?
Russ:
You see a large silhouette of a massive iceberg.
Tom:
Guys, I think we should go there immediately.
Carla:
Agreed. What else are you doing?
Russ:
Larry yells,
Larry Half-Face:
Just don't make any sudden movements. OK, guys!
Russ:
One of the warriors comes up and knocks him out.
Tom:
Oh! Well then!
Thia Amastacia:
Thanks, Larry.
Russ:
In fact, all three of you are struck from behind and are all knocked out. You guys are brought out to the center of the village. All of the people surrounding the area are all chanting a word, which Larry tells you that this word is this man's name and it is Orca-Heart. They are chanting this louder and louder, over and over again until you are escorted into the center of this arena. (Intro Music Up)
Russ:
Flint, you are led into the center of this ring where you see you are on the map now and the man you've been speaking to, he comes out to the center of the ring and he begins to do a little spiel, which Larry roughly translates for you. And he says that,
Larry Half-Face:
(interpreting Barking Seal) You are about to undergo a massive battle between Orca Heart, our village's strongest warrior and the strongest warrior of these newcomers. If our champion wins, these people must hand over some of their fine steel weapons and sail away immediately, never to return. If the new comers win, they will have earned their place among the villagers. He goes on to say that no magic is allowed and the fight must be until one contestant is unconscious and dying.
Amy:
(Laughs)
Carla:
Jeeze.
Russ:
And he needs a man who was talking. He's moved back to the side. And there is another female. She is. She looks like she's maybe the the town...
Amy:
Mascot?
Russ:
Medicine woman or shaman.
Tom:
I have one question before we start. Yeah. If you are my friends are off to the side and they see something that might help me in the battle...I don't know, some sort of perception check or something.
Russ:
Yeah.
Tom:
Are they able to tell me about it?
Russ:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Tom:
Perfect.
Russ:
So as far as Nulara and Thia go, if at any point you want to make a check of some sort. Just let me know when we can do that and then deal with that from there.
Amy:
Cool.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Thia why don't you occasionally do a magic check to make sure they are breaking their own rules?
Thia Amastacia:
Good idea.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Because you can do that. Right. Can you do detect magic or something?
Russ:
Yeah. Detect magic or. Yeah.
Carla:
I'm assuming Flint's just gonna win. I'm not that worried but yeah. (Tom Laughs)
Russ:
Or a perception check. If you notice somebody doing something that you're unsure of, you can see if you can figure out what they're doing.
Amy:
OK.
Russ:
So he's got a six for his initiative.
Tom:
I got a 10.
Russ:
All right. So you, sir, are up first.
Tom:
All right. Can I run a perception check just initially to get an eyeball at him?
Russ:
Yes, you can.
Tom:
That's 16.
Russ:
He's a human male. He's wearing a shield, a spear, and he's wearing studded leather. He's about twice your size, proportionately as wide. He's very muscular individual.
Tom:
What is his shield made out of?
Russ:
It is a metal shield.
Amy:
We'll that's stupid. Get him to stick his tongue to it.
Carla:
It is very cold.
Tom:
Oh, how big is the shield? Is it like, you know, just a buckler type of thing or is it like a big kite shield.
Tom:
It's a fairly sizable, probably more the size of a kite shield.
Tom:
OK. But since he's a giant human, it's probably not covering that much of him.
Russ:
No, it would cover probably, you know, midsection. Or if he were to go behind it, it would cover likely most of what you could see now.
Tom:
Ok. Let's do this, I guess. So, what I would like to do right off the hop is some sort of attack where I go for more of his knee slash shin area right off the start. Like fake like I'm going to go high. Go low. Maybe if there's some sort of, like, roll involved, I can do an acrobatics check, but I figure I'll just be able to do that without too much difficulty.
Russ:
I'll get you to make either and acrobatics or athletics check.
Tom:
All right. Let's check out which one. I have a bonus for acrobatics. Oh, shit. I rolled the natural twenty.
Carla:
WHAT!?
Tom:
I should have saved that for the attack. But you know what? I nailed the check. So that's.
Amy:
You did!
Russ:
Yes, you hit with your attack check, you hit where you want to.
Tom:
Yeah. That is a 19.
Russ:
One thing to note that we were playing incorrectly and have been playing incorrectly forever.
Amy:
Like a year now.
Tom:
Oh Sweet.
Russ:
Yeah forever. For when you're rolling against a AC, if you match somebodies AC, the person who's attacking wins that battle.
Tom:
Oh OK. Is that coming into play right now?
Russ:
Yes it is. (group laughs) With 19 you hit.
Tom:
Ok. 2d12 plus four. All right, let's get the d12's going... And not the group from Detroit that Eminem was part of.
Russ:
Of course.
Tom:
That's eight plus six, ten. Plus four, * plus 6 is 14.
Russ:
Hold on sec there Flint
Tom:
All right.
Russ:
Did you did you move perchance?
Amy:
Remeber he he ran and did a roll, that's what his d 20 was.
Oh,
Tom:
I assume I like he ran towards him,,,
Russ:
Just because we're using maps and stuff. (moves character on battle map) There you go.
Tom:
Sorry!
Russ:
That's All right.
Carla:
I was like, what are you talking about? He did that amazing move.
Tom:
I mean, I assumed it was part of my acrobatics check. Sure.
Amy:
You actually did it on the spot!
Tom:
All right. So that was... nice. WAHA!Watch out!
Amy:
It's an intimidation tactic.
Tom:
All right. So that was eight and six plus four. So that is 18 on the first one.
Russ:
OK.
Tom:
Second attack. I guess I'll go for kind of the same thing since I'm already in the process of doing this... And that's a Twenty one. But not critical. Of course, that's just the bonus. (rolls dice) Nine on the first one. A solid three on the second one and four is 16 damage.
Amy:
I'm like screaming from the from the sidelines. Like,
Thia Amastacia:
Slit his tendon!
Carla:
We're being very vocally supportive in a way that we are not currently so as not to, like, make Skype melt.
Tom:
No, I'm onboard with it.
Carla:
Screams and cheers!
Russ:
That hit knocks him back to this point to where, you know, he came into the arena and he is helped back up by Barking Seal.
Amy:
I do a perception check to make sure that as she helps him up, she's not like healing his wounds.
Russ:
Okay, make a perception check.
Amy:
I'm gonna. Aww Nine.
Russ:
What's your perception?
Amy:
My perception? I don't know. You've got my thing.
Russ:
Seven.
Amy:
Seven. Okay. Sixteen.
Russ:
It doesn't appear that she is making any sort of move to heal any wound.
Amy:
Ok, well I make like kind of like, it's like I'm really obviously staring at her and then I like, point to my eyes and then point to her with both my fingers like... (group laughs)
Russ:
She got it.
Amy:
OK.
Russ:
Yeah. She knows what's going on. Okay. It is Orca-Heart's turn. So he is helped back up by Barking Seal and charges towards you with his shield. That is, he runs at you with his shield and bashes you with it for eighteen against your AC.
Tom:
Which is a good hit. Yep.
Russ:
And you will take eight bludgeoning damage and you also have to make a strength saving through.
Tom:
Okay. That's a 12 plus four, so 16.
Russ:
You saved against being knocked prone.
Tom:
Sweet.
Russ:
And he comes in and attacks you again with his spear stabbing at you? Twice. First one is a 16.
Tom:
Not Good enough!
Russ:
Second one is a twenty five. Not critical.
Tom:
Definitely good enough (chuckles).
Russ:
And you take a 14 piercing damage with that second hit.
Tom:
Ok.
Russ:
And now it's your turn.
Tom:
All right.
Russ:
And his stab kind of gets the crowd built up in a frenzy as you take that hit there.
Tom:
All right. Ok. So it's a twenty four for my attack and I guess I should continue to try to... Guys what should I do here? Should I go for like...
Amy:
The kill? Always.
Tom:
...The body? Try and get past the shield. Or just keep attacking like the lower region and try and cripple his movement.
Carla:
That seems like a good strategy as a shorter man. A shorter dwarf.
Tom:
Mmhmm. Yeah.
Carla:
That seems like a good strategy, because then you can, you know, bash him upside the head when he's down on the ground, you can stop competing with his superior reach.
Tom:
My hope is that he starts to favor his side and then I'm able to exploit that weakness. (rolls dice) Alright, sevent and four is eleven and four is fifteen damage on that attack.
Amy:
Yeah it was!
Tom:
All right. Second attack that is a 19, which I think was good.
Russ:
Nineteen is good. Yeah.
Tom:
Ten damage. Oh shit. Twelve on that one... so Twenty two and four. Twenty six.
Amy:
Wow.
Russ:
He is not... He's looking bloodied. He's showing noticeable signs of damage at this point. But he actually drops his shield and makes a two handed jab at you for lack of a better term with his spear. And he gets three attacks.
Oh shit.
So you on the first hit. That's a twenty nine. Not critical.
Tom:
Oh, my God.
Russ:
Oh, no. That's a lie. Twenty five. Not critical.
Amy:
That doesn't matter! (nervous laugh)
Carla:
I wish the DM wouldn't lie.
Amy:
I know, I'm trying to keep it under wraps over here...
Tom:
Such a liar!
Amy:
...But like he turns back to me, he does his secret dice stuff...
Tom:
Loaded dice and all that stuff.
Russ:
So that's 14 damage. Second stab with his spear is only a ten against your AC. Third however, is a twenty one. Not critical. And that will be eight piercing damage.
Amy:
Well it's not too bad.
Tom:
I'm about halfway down from my hit points. Okay. All right.
Thia Amastacia:
C'mon Flint!
Tom:
So my turn again?
Russ:
Yes, sir.
Tom:
OK. I'm going to use my bonus action of a second wind which enables me to protect myself from damage and heal myself.
Russ:
Fantastic.
Tom:
Yes. Well, I guess I should wait till you attacks me again to do that, hey? Yeah. It lowers the attack for let's see here... Yeah it protects me from harm and gives me some healing action. So, I'll wait till you attacks me again on that one. However, I will go right back to attack him and since he has no shield now, because I'm assuming he did not pick it up.
Russ:
He did not pick it up.
Tom:
I'm going to go straight for the neck.
Amy:
Jesus!
Tom:
(Laughs) Twenty five on the attack roll. Seven and seven and four is eighteen damage. A second attack is a twenty, but not critical. Five and three is eight plus four is 12.
Russ:
He takes both of those hits and he's looking very worse for the wear. And he again, charges at you with his spear and his first hit goes wide. That's only eleven. Second is a 20 not critical. And third is a 13. So you take one hit and that will be twelve piercing damage.
Tom:
Yeeow! All right.
Carla:
Finish him.
Tom:
Carla just gave me the thumbs down from the sideline.
Russ:
Make it so.
Carla:
Just kidding, I don't want you to kill him. I just want you to make him unconscious so we can, like, find out what these people know.
Amy:
Yeah, can you hit him over the head really hard, knock him unconscious?
Tom:
I guess I could try to do that.
Carla:
Try and do that.
Tom:
OK. All right.
Carla:
Or kill him if you want.
Tom:
Or just cut him down in cold blood whatevs!
Carla:
It's up to you. I just would... Whatever. You live by your own moral code.
Tom:
I'm going to do my second wind skill to recover some hit points just in case he decides to, like, Hulk out on me or something. So, it's 1d10 plus my fighter level. That's a six plus eight is 14 damage I get back. And now I will attack him with the flat side of my axe, in an attempt to render him unconscious because he's looking quite bloody at this point, correct?
Russ:
Yes, sir.
Tom:
All right. I will use the flat part of my two-handed axe and try and just knock him upside the old noggin. So that's a twenty one on the attack roll. Nine and five is 14. Plus four is 18. So 18 damage on the flat of the axe. I'm assuming there might be some sort of like damage mitigator because I'm not using the edge.
Amy:
It would be bludgeoning damage instead of...
Russ:
He would still take it. But I'm going to give him, I'm going to make him make a saving throw. Just to make sure he stays standing because the blunt force. He gets knocked back a few steps, kind of in that direction there.
Tom:
OK,
Russ:
On that hit there.,
Amy:
He's still awake?
Tom:
It's still standing eh?
Russ:
He's still standing.
Tom:
I guess I'll do my second attack. That is a 17. I don't think that's going to cut it.
Russ:
17 is not good. No. Yeah, like I said, he kind of stumbles backwards and he gives you a look like he's coming out you for blood at this point.
Tom:
Even though I tried to save his life (laughs).
Russ:
Even though you tried to save his life, he rushes you with some sort of renewed vigor and stumbles and slips on the ice.
Tom:
Oh, dear.
Russ:
That's a one.
Carla:
I think having grown up there..
Russ:
You would think.
Carla:
He'd be better.
Tom:
He just got bashed upside the head, though. You got to cut him some slack.
Carla:
Very true.
Russ:
Little woozy. But on the rebound..!
Tom:
Uh oh!
Russ:
He gets 16. Still not good, but on his final stab. He gets twenty three versus AC.
Tom:
Well that definitely hit.
Russ:
His final one connects and that is 17 piercing damage.
Tom:
Oh!
Carla:
Jeeze!
Tom:
So, he's still looking worse for wear Russ?
Russ:
Yeah.
Tom:
Okay. So if I wanted to use a healing potion right now, is that considered magic? Or am I able to do so?
Russ:
You could try...
Amy:
You could risk it!
Russ:
You can do whatever you want.
Tom:
Okay... No. I don't want to risk it. (nervous laughs)
Russ:
In a battle to the death a healing potion might be something that's frowned upon... I'm just putting that out there.
Tom:
All right. Well, in that case, I'm going to attack him twice and do my bonus attack of action surge. So, he's got three attacks coming at him.
Amy:
Brace yourself.
Tom:
First one's a twenty one. The second one is a ten. So that's not going to do it. And the third one is a nineteen.
Russ:
Two of those hit. Yeah.
Tom:
All right, let's do this. Five damage... Nine damage plus four is 13 for the first attack. Five again seven is twelve and four is sixteen.
Russ:
Twenty nine total?
Tom:
Yeah.
Russ:
You hit him twice there. And the second time you hit him, he stumbles back again and you kind of see this glazed over look in his eye...
Amy:
Just see the light leave from his eyes? (tom laughs)
Russ:
Yeah. Yeah. And he drops to his knees and falls face down onto the ice and the crowd, it was getting quieter... They were still cheering. But at this point everybody's gone completely silent. Barking Seal comes out and checks his body and she calls out,
Barking Seal:
The new comers have won the battle!
Tom:
Wahoo!
Barking Seal:
They are welcome in our village!
Russ:
To other warrior types come towards you and escort the four of you back to the yurt that you were in before. You're kind of rushed out of the arena and you're left to wait there for a little time. Is there anything you guys want to do or discuss while you're in there?
Tom:
Were we able to see if he was dead or alive?
Russ:
From what you could tell, he looked quite dead.
Tom:
Oh, all right.
Flint Firebeard:
Sorry about that.
Nulara Moonbrook:
You tried.
Flint Firebeard:
I tried.
Nulara Moonbrook:
You should take a healing potion now.
Flint Firebeard:
That's probably a good idea.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Or do something to fix yourself up a little bit.
Flint Firebeard:
All right.
Tom:
Let me just roll some D4 here...
Nulara Moonbrook:
While we're in this beautiful, beautiful yurt.
Flint Firebeard:
Right?
Thia Amastacia:
Is this the yurt we woke up and unconscious at one time.
Thia Amastacia:
Yup! it is.
Tom:
So that's nine points. I get back. Hurray! And are we in here for a short amount of rest time Russ? Or is it just more like a we're off to the side and they're coming back right away?
Russ:
Someone will be coming in sooner than a short rest. Yeah.
Carla:
Since all of our stuff was taken away, can I assume now that we are being welcomed to the village, we get our stuff back. It's in that yurt?
Russ:
It is in that year. Yes.
Carla:
So we just grab our stuff?
Russ:
There are two warriors kind of standing outside the yurt. But yes, you're welcome to grab your stuff.
Carla:
Great.
Amy:
All right. I get my gear. I inspect it to make sure they didn't do any funny business.
Russ:
You want to make a funny business check?
Amy:
I'd like to make a funny business check. (rolls dice) Damn it I rolled a one.
Tom:
(laughs) Oh! There is so much funny business.
Carla:
(laughing) They definintely did some funny business!
Russ:
You see zero funny business about any of your stuff.
Amy:
Even though their mustache is drawn all over it?
Russ:
Even though there are mustaches drawn in whale blood all over it.
Tom:
The googly eyes is the most offensive part.
Russ:
But you don't notice that.
Amy:
No!
Russ:
So it's fine.
Thia Amastacia:
Thank God no funny business was had here.
Flint Firebeard:
Meanwhile, Nulara and I are just snickering in the background.
Russ:
You guys wait for a little while. Not a long amount of time, but Barking Seal comes in... The Shaman person. She comes in and sits down. There's a stool in there. She says,
Barking Seal:
It appears you have bested our finest warrior, as was the agreement with our village leader. You are welcome among our villagers. You can stay the night. He was under the impression you had some questions. I will do my best to answer what you have. As soon as you are able, you may be wise to be on your way, but if there's anything I can do to help in the meantime, you must be hungry. Would you like anything to eat?
Thia Amastacia:
Yeah, sure. So let me get this right. You are down your best warrior... And we just couldn't hang out for a little bit and then be on our way?
Amy:
I look off into the distance just contemplating the amount of violence in the world. And I think I'm really changing on this journey. I'm really changing. (all laughs).
Carla:
I think I'm changing for the worse, because as the longer that battle went on and the guy didn't fall down, I started thinking, I'll just kill him. (group laughs)
Tom:
It's a means to an end.
Carla:
We should eat some of their food, because if fantasy has taught me anything, it is that if you eat food in someone's dwelling, then in theory they should not harm.
Tom:
Yes, it worked perfectly. Game of Thrones.
Carla:
It did not. But in all other situations (laughs)
Amy:
She said FANTASY Tom. She said fantasy.
Tom:
Oh, right. Not real life. Gotcha.
Carla:
Not real history of the actual world we live in.
Tom:
Right. Right, right. Sorry, my bad guys.
Nulara Moonbrook:
And then we do have questions. Can we eat and ask questions at the same time?
Russ:
She sends one of the warriors to go bring some food. So she says,
Barking Seal:
I'm happy to answer any of your questions while we wait...
Thia Amastacia:
Oh, can she fix Flint up?
Flint Firebeard:
First question. Is it like a set menu or do we have some options here?
Barking Seal:
Unfortunately, it's not much of a menu here. We will bring with the chef brings.
Flint Firebeard:
Alright.
Nulara Moonbrook:
It's going to be something whale related.
Thia Amastacia:
Oh, it's just going to be blubber.
Nulara Moonbrook:
So yes, Thia, that's as a good question. Maybe she can help heal up Tom a little bit. Sorry, not Tom. Maybe she can help heal up Flint a little?
Amy:
I'm having trouble...
Russ:
CHARACTER VOICES!
Tom:
One step at a time Russ`.
Amy:
My next character will have a character voice.
Russ:
Oh, your next character? So you want me to kill off your character then.
Amy:
Don't kill my character.
Tom:
She just wants to graduate from Adventure Academy.
Amy:
Yes, I am. No, don't don't kill off my character. I'm talking about.
Russ:
I will not intend to kill anybody's character.
Carla:
Oh, God.
Amy:
But if I do kill anyone, Amy, it's gonna be your.
Tom:
We're gonna have so many more fighting deaths coming our way.
Russ:
The spear was going straight for Flint's head and it took a right turn and went for Amy.
Amy:
Which is weird because spears don't normally travel during right angles.
Russ:
But this one did! It's like somebody was out to get her.
Tom:
It's like a crazy whistle thing that he has in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Russ:
Oh yeah, That's what it is. She says,
Barking Seal:
So. What are your questions?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Well, when we got here, we walked through those giant whale rib bones and you guys said that you killed them, but there was teeth marks on the bones, so. How's that work?
Barking Seal:
Mmhmm... yeah...
Thia Amastacia:
(Laughs) Next question!
Barking Seal:
Our leader tells tales to attempt to fear off new comers.
Nulara Moonbrook:
That make sense.
Barking Seal:
He sometimes succeeds, sometimes doesn't. The majority of them were harvested from animals, whales, seals... That we have brought in. Some of them were damaged when we found them by something much larger than us. So that is probably what you saw.
Thia Amastacia:
There's a nonanswer.
Nulara Moonbrook:
How will that dragon then?
Thia Amastacia:
Yeah.
Thia Amastacia:
How about that Dragon?
Flint Firebeard:
How about dem dragons?
Barking Seal:
The Dragon?
Thia Amastacia:
Don't, don't play dumb with us, lady. You know the dragon.
Nulara Moonbrook:
A-gooth-ra-door?
Barking Seal:
A-gooth-ra-door? Arauthator?
Nulara Moonbrook:
(All laugh) I clearly have written down... A-gooth-ra-door.
Thia Amastacia:
So yes, there is... Or was a dragon around here?
Barking Seal:
What is your interest in dragons?
Thia Amastacia:
We would like to stop them from getting up in the dragon cult. Being a part of, you know, ripping apart our world.
Barking Seal:
The dragon cult?
Thia Amastacia:
The Cult of the Dragon.
Barking Seal:
Cult of the Dragons? I don't know what you speak of.
Thia Amastacia:
Dragons are coming man. They're gonna rip apart this world.
Barking Seal:
And you are sent to stop them.
Thia Amastacia:
Yes.
Russ:
Do you want to make a charisma or persuasion?
Amy:
Uhh twelve. And my charisma.
Russ:
Persuation you have plus two.
Amy:
Charisma I've got better than that.
Russ:
You have two...
Amy:
Okay fine, 14.
Russ:
She looks at you a little skeptical, says,
Barking Seal:
You are powerful warriors. But I've seen many powerful warriors go up against several dragons and not fair very well.
Flint Firebeard:
Well, we don't necessarily want to kill the Dragons. We want to just stop them from teaming up with the cult that's trying to raise Tiamat.
Thia Amastacia:
Truth.
Russ:
Flint, do you want to make a charisma check too?
Amy:
Yeah do better than me!
Tom:
Hey, I did better than you. That's a 17.
Amy:
I love when people listen to me.
Russ:
She seems a little more persuaded by what you're saying. She says,
Barking Seal:
Our village has been plagued for many years by a dragon... A-gooth-ra-tor, as you so eloquently put his name. Arauthator. You were looking for a woman as well?
Thia Amastacia:
Yeah.
Flint Firebeard:
Does anyone remember her name?
Thia Amastacia:
Oh hold on...
Nulara Moonbrook:
Yes.
Thia Amastacia:
No. I've got it. Maccath the Crimson!
Nulara Moonbrook:
Yes!
Thia Amastacia:
Knows stuff. (group laughs)
Nulara Moonbrook:
She knows about the Draakhorn.
Thia Amastacia:
Yes.
Nulara Moonbrook:
She came looking for the Draakhorn.
Barking Seal:
What does she look like?
Tom:
Cause you're talking to her right now? (laughs)
Flint Firebeard:
She's a tiefling.
Thia Amastacia:
She's a tiefling!
Nulara Moonbrook:
Oh, she's a tiefling!
Flint Firebeard:
She probably wears red. Being as her name is the Crimson...
Nulara Moonbrook:
Or has red hair?
Flint Firebeard:
Could be?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Also possible, but. Yeah. I don't have anything about her appearance written down.
Thia Amastacia:
You know, she's like alone and wandering.
Barking Seal:
Mmmhmm...
Nulara Moonbrook:
She was apparently attacked by frost giants.
Barking Seal:
There have been tales of a horned lady seen throughout the north. She was aboard a ship that was wrecked...
Tom:
Hey, tiefling's have horns guys, I'm looking at the picture right now!
Carla:
I was totally just looking it up. I was just Google it like, what's a tiefling look like?
Amy:
I just sat here like, yeah. I'm gonna pretend I know what a tiefling looks like. And then I thought, does she draakhorn on her head?
Carla:
(laughs) Like Carmen Miranda style? She's just wearing it?
Tom:
Oh my God, yes.
Russ:
She says,
Barking Seal:
Yes. There have been tales of a horned lady who was aboard a ship that was wrecked. And she has been seen in the north.
Russ:
And as she finishes saying that the warrior comes back in with, for lack of a better term, sacks of food,
Tom:
Sweet.
Russ:
And you look at them,
Tom:
Love me, good food sack.
Russ:
It looks like a raw fish type product. Smells a little tangy... a little, perhaps biting to the nose.
Thia Amastacia:
I eat it no problem.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Me too. I lived in the woods... Like I'm cool. I don't think I...
Flint Firebeard:
Oh, yes. Scarfed that down.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Yeah. I don't. I'm not fancy.
Amy:
Oh. But first I make a perception check. I do want to be poisoned... (carla laughs)
Russ:
You scarf that down, but as you scarf it down!...
Amy:
No, no no! I make a perception check! (rolls dice)
Carla:
I feel like I have it like my mouth part way.
Russ:
You could make that perception.
Amy:
21.
Russ:
Yeah. Okay. Is anybody else making a check?
Tom:
Oh, I guess we all should.
Russ:
You could make a perception or intelligence/investigation check.
Tom:
Oh, I'll do investigation then. 19.
Russ:
So it doesn't appear to any of you that there's anything wrong with it. It looks perhaps spoiled to your... Sense and sensibilities.
Tom:
What about my Pride and Prejudice?
Russ:
But you don't...
Amy:
I was just thinking that! I was like, Jane Austen had good manners, so will I.
Russ:
It doesn't appear to you that it is poison. It doesn't appear to you that it's great food, but it doesn't appear that it's poison.
Tom:
All right. I'll scarf it down.
Amy:
Though we may get food poisoning from it afterwards. All right. Hey, did we ask Barking Seal if she could heal Flint? We just kind of skirted around that. It's been brought up a couple times but you haven't said anything.
Russ:
Well, because you were like, maybe we should ask her and then you asked her other questions.
Flint Firebeard:
Hey, barking SEAL, is there any way that you could help me get some hit points back here?
Barking Seal:
Absolutely. I could do that. That would be great.
Russ:
She whispers an incantation and you gain Twenty seven hit points back.
Tom:
Can she join our group?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Totally! Barking Seal, Do you want to come on an adventure?
Amy:
Thia feels really like pushed aside and sad as she used to be the magic one in the group... and now...
Russ:
Do you have Cure Wounds?
Amy:
No..
Tom:
She does but she has not cast it on me once.
Amy:
I do not have cure wounds.
Russ:
You don't? I thought you did.
Tom:
You had some sort of curing spell.
Amy:
I had it at one point and then we never ever used it. And then I was like, I'm going to use something I can use to light people on fire.
Flint Firebeard:
Well, welcome aboard Barking Seal!
Russ:
She says,
Barking Seal:
Thank you for the offer, but I am needed to stay here.
Flint Firebeard:
Well, thank you for the heal. That was very nice.
Russ:
As you guys are eating, she begins to tell you... well, she already mentioned that her village has been plagued by a Dragon, Arauthator, in the past. And what Bone Carver may have told you is that he is deceased. Yes, that is a lie there.
Flint Firebeard:
Well.. durr.
Thia Amastacia:
Well, durr indeed.
Barking Seal:
Well durr indeed good sir... That is a lie. In fact, the iceberg that we are standing on is one of his lairs beneath the ice. Well, then we were procured into guarding the surface through fear of him destroying our people and our village. And I am convinced by the warriors that you appear to be... and by the tales that you tell that you might be helpful to our cause in releasing us from Arauthator. Is that something you'd be interested?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Sure we will.
Thia Amastacia:
What? Hold on a second. Everyone is recruiting us for their cause. But, right now we have a cause. So we'll help you if you help us find Maccath the Crimson.
Barking Seal:
She tells you she begins to describe the rough layout of Arauthator's layer and the fact that the horned lady that you speak of is, in fact, held captive within his lair.
Thia Amastacia:
Well, see, now, you could've led with that.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Really buried the lead there!
Thia Amastacia:
Unless you're lying?
Russ:
You couldn't make a check.
Amy:
I'm going to check and see if your lying. (rolls dice) Never mind. I don't care.
Russ:
(laughs) Doesn't matter what kind of check?
Tom:
We're good here, don't worry about it.
Amy:
No, I rolled a 2.
Russ:
Oh, you rolled a 2? Yeah. You're certain she's telling the truth.
Thia Amastacia:
Good god. She's the most truthful lady I've ever seen you guys.
Russ:
She goes into quite some detail about the passages and the ceilings in that everything is carved from very slick ice and basically a rough layout of where certain rooms.
Thia Amastacia:
Oh, I'm going to melt the shit out of that place...
Russ:
Where certain rooms are within Arauthator's layer beneath the surface of this iceberg. And that once you are in the main level, which there are entrances from the village hall and entrances through Bone Carver's, personal hut. So there are two ways to get in there as she begins describing all this to you. You start to feel a little woozy.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Oh, man.
Russ:
Do you want to make a constitution saving throw?
Amy:
So that we don't throw up? Eighteen plus whatever my modifier is.
Tom:
Twenty one!
Carla:
Fifteen.
Russ:
Your vision begins to narrow and you feel quite ill.
Tom:
You heard me say twenty one, right?
Amy:
Can you tell me what we would have had to have ruled in order to not...
Russ:
I'm not done yet. I'm not done yet. (group laughs).
Amy:
We are outraged!
Tom:
And we're all dead. All right adventure over!
Russ:
Nulara you fall to the ground. You are unconscious and you take 16 poison damage.
Amy:
Jesus.
Russ:
Flint and Thia, you take eight poison damage each. You are still conscious, but you can't really see straight. And two warriors come in and they go to tie you up.
Flint Firebeard:
So, this is how you make people welcome in your village, hey?
Russ:
Make a strength check to avoid being tied up with disadvantage.
Tom:
So what is disadvantage mean minus two.
Russ:
Roll your dice twice and take the lowest of them.
Tom:
Ok. The lowest was eleven plus my strength bonus.
Russ:
Yeah.
Tom:
OK. Fifteen.
Amy:
Five plus, what's my strength bonus?
Russ:
Well both of you actually lose.
Amy:
In my struggle not to be tied up. Can I cast a spell.
Russ:
Sure.
Amy:
Yeah? All right. OK. I'm going to do what I want to do. I want to do produce flame. So I do that. Because I don't need a roll for that.
Russ:
Yeah, but she need to tell me what damage it does.
Amy:
Oh right.
Tom:
(laughs)
Amy:
(rolls dice) No that wasn't a real roll. Umm... produce flame?
Carla:
All this time I'm just laying there unconscious.
Amy:
Yeah that's right. Sorry.
Carla:
That's what I'm doing.
Amy:
Sorry man.
Carla:
It's all right.
Amy:
11 fire damage. Wooooosh!
Carla:
(laughs).
Amy:
Yeah. How do you want to do this? I'm not going down without a fight.
Russ:
So that warrior that you hit with that takes that damage and basically runs out of the yurt.
Amy:
Yeah he does.
Russ:
Barking Seal says,
Barking Seal:
I'm very sorry this has happened. I didn't mean to do this. Bone Carver must be in charge of something. Honest to God.
Thia Amastacia:
Oh, you're scared now, are you?
Barking Seal:
She says I can fix your friend and get you into the lair. Please don't kill me.
Flint Firebeard:
When you put it that way.
Amy:
What's this other guard doing because I'm unguarded, but someone's still trying to wrestle Flint to the ground?
Russ:
Sorry. Sorry. The Warriors left... Both warriors. Yeah.
Tom:
All right. Well, it seems like the alternative is more people come in and kick our ass, so we might as well go into the lair.
Carla:
Did she wake me up? Can I talk now?
Russ:
(to Amy) Did you agree?
Thia Amastacia:
Yes. Fix her. I'm like mad.
Russ:
You are conscious and you get back what you lost.
Carla:
So I'm all healed.
Russ:
Flint, you get back. Twenty five. I think we should be able to that. And Thia, you're probably just going to take back... So you get back what you lost. So she she heals you all back up and says.
Barking Seal:
In order to move through the village... It's almost night time.... I can move you into the town hall once the sun sets, get you down into Arauthator's lair.
Nulara Moonbrook:
So just to clarify, she's on board with us helping get rid of the dragon. But the other leader is not so he's trying to pull shenanigans?
Barking Seal:
Apparently.
Thia Amastacia:
Is he just mad that we beat his best guy? I wanna talk to this bozo.
Barking Seal:
Bone Carver lives in constant fear. Basically, if anybody new comes into our village, Arauthator is to know. He may even know that you're here now if he's down there. Because somebody from the villages is supposed to go down and let them know that there are new people here. So he may know that you're here already. Based on the way Bone Carver has done something to your food.
Thia Amastacia:
All right.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Is it possible to have someone from the village come with us? Like, I feel like if we are going into, like, tunnels beneath their village and there's only two entrance slash exits and one is in the private quarters of the guy that just tried to kill us.... I would like someone, I don't know does it make sense for someone to come with us? Because then maybe they won't, like, block up the passages so we can't get out.
Thia Amastacia:
Yeah but if someone comes with us, who's to say that we can even trust them? They could lead us into a deep maze and then...
Nulara Moonbrook:
True.
Thia Amastacia:
...ditch us and then block the exit?
Russ:
Based on her descriptions of the caves you guys feel that you can navigate them reasonably well. She's given you rough locations of where things are. She tells you more about what's down there.
Barking Seal:
There are a clan of kobolds that Arauthator has...
Thia Amastacia:
Of course there are.
Barking Seal:
...brought in. The ice toads live beneath the surface as well as ice trolls guard Arauthator's horde, his treasure.
Thia Amastacia:
Well, maybe the best to do is to sneak us down there and then tell Bone Carver that we fled after being attacked.
Barking Seal:
That does sound like it would work.
Flint Firebeard:
One question for you Barking Seall.
Barking Seal:
Yes.
Flint Firebeard:
What room is... Shit. What's the lady's name? I can never remember her name.
Thia & Nulara:
Maccath.
Flint Firebeard:
Maccath! What room is Maccath being kept in? Is she in the treasure hoard or is she, like in a cell of some sort? What's going on with her?
Barking Seal:
Maccath is on the main level of the iceberg. There are two levels of the iceberg. The first is where all the trophies, where Maccath... Is she's kept more towards the back near the Scriptorium. Where there are many magic books and tomes and spells and all that kept. And also near near the treasure room. She has her own quarters down there, though.
Flint Firebeard:
Okay.
Russ:
She tells you the rough location of where the ice trolls quarters are and where the ice toads layer is. Some other dens and junk rooms and stuff on the first floor. She says the second floor, the lower floor, is all Arauthator's layer where he... When he's here, is where he is. So once you drop down into that area, that is his area. It is a large space. You might not run into him as soon as you drop down there.
Nulara Moonbrook:
So Arauthator and Maccath are on the same level? They're both on the lower level.
Barking Seal:
No, Maccath is on the first level. And then Arauthator has the entire lower level and he is able to enter and leave through different tunnels under water from the surface. You don't necessarily see him coming and going.
Thia Amastacia:
Ok, well, let's, you know, let's wait for night and go.
Flint Firebeard:
I guess we should make this happen.
Carla:
...Where's Larry during all of this? Did he go back on the boat?
Russ:
Yeah. Larry's not there yet.
Carla:
Great.
Amy:
Where's Larry?
Russ:
Larry went back to the boat.
Amy:
Okay. Well, for reals-ies?
Russ:
For realizes.
Amy:
He wasn't given the fish.
Russ:
He wasn't given the fish. You were escorted to your yurt and he was escorted off the premises. So he's no longer there. You can assume that he's back at his boat.
Amy:
Okay. Cool, we wait for nightfall!
(Interlude Music) Hey there, it's me. Your Dungeon Master Russ More. Thanks so much for joining us for Episode four of Dungeons and Dragons. This one titled Something Fishy. I just want to run a few things by you, there's a few new ways that you can find us. And when you're telling all your friends about us, obviously you can tell them where to go to find us. I think we can now say that Dumbgeons and Dragons is now available wherever you download podcasts. Right. That's pretty cool. We are on iTunes, of course. But as of this week, we should be up on Google Play Music in Canada and U.S.. That's the only places that they offer that service right now from the sounds of it. We have had a great first month for people finding and listening to the show, which brings me to our first comment read on the pod. This is pretty exciting. This comes from Jimmy Bo Bob Brain. And he says, "Awesome D&D podcast. These D&D freaks are super funny and really make you feel like you're having fun with them. Great work. Download this." Absolutely. Download all of them. That is honestly the nicest thing to date that anyone has ever said about us. So thank you. Jimmy Bo Bob Brain. I like your name. It's good! If you think about it after this episode, if you could leave us a rating and review about something you like about the show format, us specifically, whatever. I hear that helps podcast move up the ranks sometimes, even if it doesn't. We love to hear if you're liking the show. If you want to be more involved in the dumb dragon universe, you can visit Dumb Dragons dot com now. All of our social media and email links are all listed there. Or you just find us on Twitter. We are at Dumb Dragon cast and I don't know if I'm hashtag incorrectly, but you can use the Dumb Dragon cast hashtag so we can track you down and find out who's talking to and about us. We will eventually try and work that into something within the show. Not sure what that will be, but if you do it, you could be part of the show at some point. On Facebook, we're at Facebook dot com slash dumb dragon podcast and we keep both of those up to date with the latest episode details. And we also post some other cool D&D and RPG related stuff that you might find interesting. So come join and chat with us up there. That's it for me, though. Thanks again for joining our journey to adventure. And let's see if those crazy kids give break into a Dragons's lair. Right. That's going to be fun. Our next episode will be out February 15th. You have a wonderful couple weeks and we'll talk to you then.
Russ:
(end interlude music) Nightfall comes and she sneaks you out of the yurt that you're in towards the village hall and you go in there, there's nobody else in there. And hidden beneath some planks in the back corner of the village hall is where you find the entrance to the ice caves, which descend down a chute with icy stairs in a tight spiral. And she says,
Barking Seal:
It goes down about one hundred feet. There are areas that you want to watch out for descending down into that you might slip. So just be careful going down those icy stairwells. And once you're down there, that room at the bottom should be empty. You shouldn't run into any trolls or toads once you get down there. But as you're walking through the halls and walking into other rooms, just be cautious that you might run into unexpected visitors or guests.
Thia Amastacia:
Expected Now.
Nulara Moonbrook:
All right. OK.
Flint Firebeard:
Let's do this here.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Here we go. Down the super, super slippery stairs!
Russ:
As you're descending down. If you want to make an acrobatics check. Dexterity, acrobatics. (dice rolls)
Amy:
(laughs) Well...
Tom:
I like that already.
Carla:
Oh, I got a natural twenty!
Tom:
Nice!
Carla:
To walk down some stairs.
Amy:
I got nine... a 10.
Tom:
I got an 18 after bonuses.
Russ:
What order are you walking down the stairs in?
Thia Amastacia:
I'll go first. So that I don't... You know... bowl you guys over! (laughs) I'll go first. I'm itching to fight something.
Russ:
Who's right behind you.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Me, I guess?
Russ:
You see Thia fall. Do you want to try and catch her?
Carla:
Well I did roll that 20. I got sure-footing.
Russ:
You saved yourself. That's for sure.
Carla:
(laughs)
Amy:
You guys could just laugh. It's ok. I yell,
Thia Amastacia:
I'll meet you at the bottom!
Carla:
(Laughs).
Tom:
Avenger me!
Carla:
Yeah I can, I can try and grab her. What do I have to roll?
Russ:
Strength or Athletics.
Carla:
I rolled of 15 with a plus 4, so 19.
Russ:
So you managed to catch her. She only slips a couple stairs.
Thia Amastacia:
I straighten up. That was embarrassing.
Russ:
So she picks herself up and dust yourself off and as you keep going down the stairs, kind of get a little easier to walk down. And you enter a room that is empty, except for a dozen baskets woven from leather strips and Walrus ribs stacked in the north corner of the room. And these contain frozen fish in a few skin wrapped bundles of rotting shark meat. That is all that's in that room and I've got a map of pull up here just a second is going to move Thia's thing. So that's the room you are in. And it leans out into a hall here.
Carla:
Is it lit?
Russ:
It is...
Tom:
Like the band Lit? (group laughs)
Amy:
Don't steal my sunshine.
Tom:
No, that's Len.
Amy:
Oh! Whoops.
Carla:
Who's Lit, are they the ones that had that Pamela Anderson video?
Tom:
Yes, that's them.
Russ:
It is lit by a few whale oil lamps. There's a couple of them in the room. And as you look into the hall, you can see that they are lined throughout the caves.
Thia Amastacia:
How convenient.
Nulara Moonbrook:
I would like to pull out my sword and say Muy Caliante just it's ready,
Russ:
Of course,
Nulara Moonbrook:
Just in case. Seems like a good idea.
Flint Firebeard:
Also, it probably is a good source of light!
Nulara Moonbrook:
Yeah, light, will keep us a little bit warm. It's good.
Russ:
As far as where Maccath is, if you can zoom out on the map there. The way she described it is the Treasure Room and Maccath's room and the Scriptorium and all that is all kind of along the back wall there (refferring to map). So the...
Amy:
Like 10, 11, 12, 13, 14?
Russ:
10 to 14 area.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Great. Let's go that way.
Russ:
You go out into the hall there and it kind of slopes down. You walk by. Room seven there. Do you look into that room? What do you do?
Amy:
I'm kind of it like no room left unturned kind of person.
Carla:
I agree for no reason because all it's going to be is a trap.
Amy:
Let's do it.
Carla:
Come on. We can't just walk past. Who knows what's in there?
Tom:
If we turn ourselves invisible again I'm sure Russ would hate that. (laughs)
Russ:
You have a Pass without a trace potion but Carla has the Pass without a trace whenever the fuck she wants.
Tom:
Yeah, that's just in case she drops another potion Russ...
Russ:
That's true.
Amy:
I was actually going to say, if we're never going to use it Carla, you should get yourself a better spell.
Carla:
You know what? I just. I'm so torn about it because it's so great that it feels like cheating.
Tom:
It totally does.
Amy:
Fuck anything you've had planned, Russ. we're gonna...
Carla:
I feel gross about using it. But let's keep it in mind. Maybe once we, like, complete our mission, we need to peace out. So maybe that's a more appropriate. Or like non gross way to use it. You know, like we've completed the mission and fought everybody. And then we just need to, like, skedaddle back to the boat.
Tom:
Sneak away quietly.
Carla:
Exactly. Instead of, like, just running around, avoiding all danger.
Tom:
Ahh we'll leave it. Yeah. Let's go to room seven.
Russ:
So as you walk into this room here, visibility.. it's a room filled with fog. So visibility of this room is about forty five feet. As you move into the chamber, the shape of a frost giant becomes dimly visible at about 60 feet.
Amy:
Is he sleeping?
Russ:
Do you keep walking?
Thia Amastacia:
Do we back out, you guys. Or do we fight him?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Has he noticed us?
Russ:
It doesn't appear he's made a move towards you or away from you in any way.
Flint Firebeard:
Interesting.
Nulara Moonbrook:
What safer. Like sneak attacking someone or leaving them to maybe get us later? More like what if there's ten of them in here?
Thia Amastacia:
Yeah. That's my thing. What if he is not the only one?
Amy:
How big is a frost giant again.
Russ:
Big.
Amy:
How big this room is, each square is 15 feet. Right. So it's 60. So there's a lot of extra space in there, but like 90 feet across. It's like almost 90 by 90 ish.
Russ:
oh, this could be like a whole, like clan of these guys, about fifteen feet tall, 15 feet wide. So they take up one full square, whereas you take up a third of a square.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Could we set up some kind of like sneak back out. I have sheath my sword. So it is no longer glowing. And like, set some kind of trapping the door. Anybody got any trap skills? Because if we put a trap in the entry way then they would... Like, can we just, like, tie some rope across or something,
Thia Amastacia:
Just something that they tripped on the way out.
Flint Firebeard:
Some sort of trip wire? (laughs)
Nulara Moonbrook:
Just so that it warns us a little bit if they leave that room without us having to go and fight? Who knows how many Frost Giants?
Thia Amastacia:
We technically don't know that there isn't another exit from that room.
Nulara Moonbrook:
That is true.
Thia Amastacia:
There could be tunnels.
Nulara Moonbrook:
True. So do you. Does that mean you want to fight Thia?
Thia Amastacia:
Let's do it. Let's fight!
Nulara Moonbrook:
Let's fight! What else are we doing?
Flint Firebeard:
Let's do it!
Thia Amastacia:
Let's sneak in.
Nulara Moonbrook:
I pull my sword back out and whipser Muy Caliente.
Thia Amastacia:
Let's. No. Let sneak in. It's darkish, Right?
Nulara Moonbrook:
OK.
Russ:
It's foggy. Visibility is about forty five feet so you can see at about a distance of ... It appears that this giant is about 60 feet from you, from roughly the entrance of this area.
Carla:
But he's not looking at us?
Russ:
It doesn't appear that he's looking at it. You can kind of see the outline of it.
Carla:
Let's stealth check that bitch.
Amy:
Yeah, let's see if he can get in here stealthily. (dice rolls) God! I can't roll for shit today.
Carla:
Oh, God. Me neither, I rolled a seven. I think I have a... I actually don't know what that means on these sheets with has numbers beside it. Is that when I add on.
Russ:
Yeah.
Carla:
On this you know in the checklist there.
Russ:
Yeah.
Carla:
OK. Anyway it's still a 10. It's still terrible. So.
Tom:
I had an 18. (group laughs).
Carla:
You are sneaky as eff!
Tom:
That's right.
Russ:
You, the three of you begin walking in there and Thia and Nulara, very clearly, aren't trying to be stealthy in any way, shape or form. But as you get to about forty five feet from this figure. He doesn't move as you make a lot of noise and jump around and and scream and holler and whatever you're doing. (group laughs)
Tom:
So much screaming!
Carla:
I think that Thia came in like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, like just slid in on the floor.
Russ:
And then just kept sliding.
Carla:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Tom:
(laughs) Did she perhaps want some of that old time rock n roll as well?
Carla:
Yeah. Like, it looks so cool. It's not smart for safety, but she looks awesome, especially with those ray bands.
Tom:
What!
Russ:
You get about forty five feet from this giant and it still hasn't taken any move towards you or notice you. In fact looks like it is just standing perfectly still. And as you get to about 30 feet, you recognize that this giant is dead and frozen
Thia Amastacia:
Oh.
Russ:
And seeing that it has torn armor and awful claw wounds in its pale blue flesh,
Thia Amastacia:
Dragon already got to it.
Flint Firebeard:
I think it's something other than the dragon. And we're about to be effed in the B.
Russ:
As you look around...
Thia Amastacia:
(laughs), is... effed in the b... What does that mean?
Russ:
As you...
Thia Amastacia:
Is it like...
Nulara Moonbrook:
What's the B. Did you shorten Butt? Was butt the word you didn't want to say there?
Flint Firebeard:
Well, if I'm going to shorten 'F' I'm going to shorten everything else that goes with it.
Russ:
You might as well! As you get to the center of this room, you look around after you determine that this giant is dead and you look around and this hall is displaying the bodies of eight frost giants, one fire giant and one cloud giant.
Thia Amastacia:
It's a collection.
Russ:
All dead.
Flint Firebeard:
Just serial giant killer.
Thia Amastacia:
GTF out of here, you guys.
Russ:
Do you want to make a quick perception check there? (dice rolls)
Amy:
Hey! NAT 20!
Carla:
Sure we do.
Tom:
WHAT! Then you can perceive everything for us.
Carla:
Yeah. No kidding. Cause I'm perceiving not much. I'm perceiving I'm 10..
Tom:
I'm a 7
Russ:
As Flint and Nulara begin walking back towards the door. Thia out of the corner of your eye, along the side of the walls and ducking behind some of the giant... Statues. For lack of a better term, you see quick and sudden movements of a medium to small-ish type creature ducking in and around behind. And there appear to be a multiple of them. They appear to be around the walls hiding behind these giants.
Amy:
Do they seem furry?
Russ:
You can't tell if they're furry. You just kind of caught a glimps of them.
Amy:
I tried to talk to them.
Thia Amastacia:
Hey, guys, whatcha doing back there?
Russ:
They don't respond.
Nulara Moonbrook:
I do have animal handling.
Thia Amastacia:
I try in all my languages, by the way.
Nulara Moonbrook:
That just means...
Flint Firebeard:
I'm proficient in vehicles. (group laughs)
Thia Amastacia:
Good. Well, if you need to ride one of these things that will help.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Can I do like you and I do like a... "Hey furry, furry, furry" check. I don't know if they're furry or if they're even sentient creatures, but whatever.
Russ:
Yeah, you can do a "hey furry, furry check"
Tom:
(laughs) Now is that is in intelligence or Wisdom. What exactly is going on here?
Carla:
I was going to just use my animal handling bonus, so I rolled a 17 and I get a plus five on that. It's 22.
Russ:
Well, that's very successful... But they're not animals. And as you move towards them, you see one jump from one giant corpse to behind another one and there are a group of kobolds that look like they were, you see some tools and it looks like they were working in there. And they are just trying to hide from you at this point.
Amy:
Oh, you made them sound like they were small!
Russ:
Kobolds are small. They're like half the size of you.
Amy:
I Suppose I...
Carla:
I can't believe I wasted my "Hey furry, furry" check to dumb kobolds.
Tom:
Now is it like they were working in the lab late one night.
Russ:
Exactly like that. Yeah.
Nulara Moonbrook:
We're going to kill them, right?
Thia Amastacia:
Like they have an advanced on us?
Flint Firebeard:
Do we want to talk to them and see what they're doing?
Thia Amastacia:
I tried to talk to them, but they weren't talking back. Kobolds can talk.
Carla:
Do kobolds talk? Are they? Do they? I thought they were kind of dumb.
Tom:
Yeah. They can still talk like.
Russ:
They can talk. Yeah. They're not superintelligent creatures.
Amy:
What language do they speak?
Tom:
Common usually I think.
Russ:
Common and Draconic.
Thia Amastacia:
I call at them kobolds. We, we, we see you like you're not we're not.
Kobold 1 (Henry):
We're not here.
Thia Amastacia:
You're not being sneaky.
Kobold 1 (Henry):
We're not. We're not here!
Thia Amastacia:
You're talking right now.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Shh.. Henry! We're just working here. We're not doing...
Nulara Moonbrook:
What are you guys doing?
Kobold 1 (Henry):
Not doing. Not working.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Working. Please leave us.
Kobold 3:
We don't mean you harm.
Flint Firebeard:
What are you guys doing in here?
Thia Amastacia:
Why aren't you attacking us? Never have we met a group of kobolds that didn't want to just like get it on... In a fighting manner... in like a non-sexual Kind of way.
Kobold 1 (Henry):
Yes. Well, I mean, we're just workers. We're just... We're just polishing and cleaning and making sure his... His giants are shiny and.. And good.
Flint Firebeard:
You mean all these giant.
Kobold 1 (Henry):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got to polish dead giants.
Thia Amastacia:
(laughs) True that. It's true.
Flint Firebeard:
Yep. Story checks out.
Thia Amastacia:
I read it in how to keep a good lair.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
That's what we convinced him that we needs to do. So he doesn't eat us.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Are you captives?
Kobold 3:
Maybe. (group laughs)
Nulara Moonbrook:
Or are you mercenaries?
Kobold 1 (Henry):
We we we. We are workers.
Thia Amastacia:
How did you end up down here?
Kobold 1 (Henry):
We were brought in by... By him.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Could you be more specific?
Thia Amastacia:
By the dragon?
Kobold 1 (Henry):
But by. Yes, yes. By the dragon. We were brought in by him. And we we look... We look for guidance from him.
Flint Firebeard:
Have you seen the horned lady?
Kobold 1 (Henry):
Uhh... Yes? Yes, yes. Yes, yes.
Thia Amastacia:
Can you guys show us where she is? We like to talk with her.
Kobold 1 (Henry):
We. We have work to do. She.. You leave and you go that way...
Russ:
And they point right down the hall, out the door.
Thia Amastacia:
I don't feel the need to murder these pathetic creatures.
Flint Firebeard:
Yeah. I'm good with it.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Me neither. But let's just ... let's just tie them up or something. We can't just leave them wandering around. Right. Let's tie them up.
Flint Firebeard:
I don't know. Seem like they didn't really want anything to do with us. So...
Thia Amastacia:
Kobolds normally it's like a fight thing. So if they're not wanting to fight or throw down.
Flint Firebeard:
I think we're good to just leave.
Nulara Moonbrook:
What if they will go warn the dragon?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
You could leave us. We won't tells him.
Flint Firebeard:
I would think by now he probably knows we're already here.
Thia Amastacia:
Do you know if he knows we're here.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Knows, no. Who knows you're here?
Thia Amastacia:
Do you know if the dragon knows we're here?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Mmmmm...
Thia Amastacia:
Does the dragon know we're here?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Well...
Thia Amastacia:
That's... that was a very clear statement. Like as a question it was very clear.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
I mean... in the grand scheme of things, who knows who's here?
Nulara Moonbrook:
Pretty, pretty philosophical.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
He knows you're here.
Thia Amastacia:
OK. Yeah. Just honesty is always the best policy.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Yeah. He might know you're here. He...
Thia Amastacia:
Are you Henry?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
No. No. I'm Steve.
Thia Amastacia:
Okay. Steve. Thanks. Thanks for being honest.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
You're welcome.
Thia Amastacia:
We won't murder you.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Steve, are you going to get up in our business if we just leave you here, not tied up?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Yeah... we're just... don't tie! You don't need to tie us! With you... You need rope for something else, right?
Thia Amastacia:
Probably.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Yeah. You seem like rope loving individuals.
Flint Firebeard:
(laughs) we do love rope.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Just hang ons to your rope.
Flint Firebeard:
The major characteristic of adventuring crew is the fact that we all love rope.
Thia Amastacia:
And fire.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Rope and fire, make good combos, but not for kobolds!
Thia Amastacia:
I say we leave 'em.
Nulara Moonbrook:
Alright.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
K, Thank you.
Thia Amastacia:
Hey, no problem. I remember this when you go to set everyone free down here.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
You set free? OK. Bye.
Thia Amastacia:
Oh. But tell the dragon anything and I'll come back and let you all on fire.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Henry will tell nobody.
Thia Amastacia:
And what about Steve?
Kobold 2 (Steve):
Steve tells everybody nothing.
Flint Firebeard:
Steve is the worst!
Thia Amastacia:
Ok. So just so you know, anyone tells the dragon anything. I'm going to come back and light everyone on fire.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
What if nobody tells the Dragons nothing?
Nulara Moonbrook:
UHHH! I just want to get away from all these double negatives.
Thia Amastacia:
How about I light one of you on fire just to make my point.
Kobold 2 (Steve):
We tell nothing to dragons.
Thia Amastacia:
I'm tired of this, God! I just want to leave.
Russ:
Ok. So you go, right?
Tom:
Yep.
Carla:
We go right.
Amy:
Yeah.
Russ:
You've got room two on your left. Room 13 on your right.
Amy:
Probably room 13 since her room is one of the ones along the back.
Carla:
Yeah.
Tom:
Let's go for room 13!
Russ:
So a bizarre sight greets you in this rough walled chamber. About a dozen giant toads with thick, mottled white hides are at work here, scribing strange writings into the ice of the walls or onto weathered parchment and stone tablets. A few toads transfer parchments and tablets into and out of floor-to-ceiling cubbyholes cut into the ice along the entire southern wall. As you enter, a couple of them see you and call attention to all of the other ones and they all start croaking very loudly at you.
Thia Amastacia:
I put my finger to my lips. SHHHHHHHH.
Flint Firebeard:
Did that do the job?
Thia Amastacia:
Anything?
Russ:
A few of them flee into the back area. The room 14 for your map purposes. And they they start to quiet down a little bit. Most of them. Couple of them are still quite loud and and kind of hopping around as toads do.
Carla:
How big are they?
Tom:
So they are hopping mad? (group groan/laughs)
Russ:
They are giant toads. So they're a medium sized creature. So they're about the size of a Flint.
Tom:
Hooray!
Carla:
But actually just toads. Not like bipedal creatures that look like toads?
Russ:
That is correct.
Amy:
And these are toads that are literate?
Russ:
Well, they're scribing something there.
Carla:
Can I try and animal handle them?
Russ:
Sure.
Amy:
But don't man-imal handle them. They don't like that.
Carla:
19 plus 5, so twenty four.
Nulara Moonbrook:
So I like make soothing. Sounds like you would like to a horse or a dog that you don't know like. We're not here to hurt you. Just want to know what's going on. We're looking for our friend. The horned lady?
Russ:
They begin croaking again. Make an intelligence check. Anybody can. (dice rolls)
Carla:
I only got a 10. So I hope somebody does better.
Amy:
I got a seven.
Tom:
12?
Russ:
It appears that they are trying to communicate with you.
Thia Amastacia:
Aww!
Russ:
You can't quite make out what they're trying to say. You don't recognize what they're saying as a language.
Amy:
Can I make a perception check and see if I can recognize a language in which they were transcribing things on the wall?
Russ:
Yeah.
Amy:
Huh... fuck. 4.
Carla:
I did that as well. Did you say four?
Amy:
Yeah, yeah, I rolled four.
Carla:
What's the thing, an intelligence, do you think?
Amy:
No, just a.
Russ:
Yeah. Yeah, wisdom. Perception.
Amy:
Yeah. Yeah. OK, well then my four turns into an eleven.
Carla:
I have a 16.
Tom:
Nicely done.
Russ:
You don't recognize the language that it's being written in.
Amy:
It's not even draconic.
Russ:
It's not draconian that they're writing in.
Carla:
Or giant or orcish or goblin?
Russ:
Or giant or orcish or goblin.
Tom:
What about dwarven?
Amy:
Is it celestial?
It's not celestial. I'm pretty sure none of you have it. But let me just double check.
Amy:
Is it druidic?
Russ:
No,
Carla:
I just said all mine. So if it's not those, I don't have it.
Amy:
Same-sies.
Tom:
Guys! Turns out they were writing in common the whole time.
Carla:
Oh, I didn't ask about that. Well, what about Don E., though? Because he couldn't speak telepathically. So can he try to send them .. umm like.
Amy:
Like a smiley face and a peace sign and dove?
Russ:
The universal sign for you wanna get high?
Amy:
And a thumbs up?
Carla:
Yes.
Amy:
And like a finger to your lips, like shh.
Carla:
Yeah. All of that. I love all of that.
Russ:
He does something along those lines. But he tells,
Don E.:
Guys I think I think they do speak draconic. They're very slow when they speak. It takes it's painful to listen to. I mean, they're toads. So they he says that they do have a leader who sometimes speaks more better, as they put it. Maybe we can try and talk to him?
Sure. And Draconic really slowly. I say take me to your leader.
Music in today's episode was by Kevin McCloud of incompetech.filmmusic.io, Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons Production.
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