Joan lubar inter - 2021-01-20, 11.15 AM.mp3
Joan lubar inter - 2021-01-20, 11.15 AM.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
Joan lubar inter - 2021-01-20, 11.15 AM.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
intro music:
Welcome to Grieve with Ease, a podcast where we talk about the many signs of loss and death on each episode, you'll hear from a cross-section of men and women who share how they dealt with loss, found comfort and even humor during what many consider a very dark time. The show is designed to bring comfort, to answer questions and let you know you are not alone. Now here's your host, Martika Whylly.
Martika Whylly:
Joan Lubar, known as Assassin's Age, is a speaker, wellness educator, entrepreneur and the author of her new book, Rock and Roll at Any Age. Welcome, Joan.
Martika Whylly:
I was waiting before I said all I need to be there.
Joan Lubar:
Well, at least you knew my chair was there.
Martika Whylly:
Yes, yes, I could you.
Joan Lubar:
I'm getting comfortable. Hold on.
Martika Whylly:
OK.
Joan Lubar:
How are you?
Martika Whylly:
I'm good. I'm good. And yourself?
Joan Lubar:
Doing well. Doing well today. Yeah. And I got some notes here from my self care workshop, so I wanted to make sure I looked at them before we started.
Martika Whylly:
Ok, yes. Yeah, you were going to share your experience with looking after your Ex or former.
Joan Lubar:
Former husband.
Martika Whylly:
Husband? Yes.
Joan Lubar:
He's not doing very well, unfortunately.
Martika Whylly:
Oh, no.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. And what's going to happen with him? But, you know, but he's had Parkinson's for almost 30 years.
Martika Whylly:
So did you want to kind of introduce yourself? I'm going to ask you later to send me an intro because I'm going to do a proper intro for this. If you could just write a few sentences and just messaged me that or email me that and and then when I do the editing and all that, I could add that in and then,
Joan Lubar:
OK, well, I have several intros so you can pick what you want, but I will I think I might even have one in here. Hold on. Hold on.
Martika Whylly:
Because if you find one that you like that suits, it's this.
Joan Lubar:
That fits it. Yeah.
Martika Whylly:
Then then just email it to me or message.
Joan Lubar:
Ok do you need it right now?
Martika Whylly:
No, I don't. I don't need anything now, but yeah, if you just like this that only a few sentences or a small paragraph of just introducing yourself and what you do. There you go. And then and then I'll add that in and.
Joan Lubar:
Ok.
Martika Whylly:
Yes. So when was your. Former husband, now he's in a nursing home now.
Joan Lubar:
Yes, and how old is he? He's eighty three.
Martika Whylly:
Eighty three. And he went into a nursing home. How long ago?
Joan Lubar:
Well, he's been in some kind of care facility for most of the last 10 years. He had some major surgery in 2010 and then was kind of in and out of some different places and ended up in assisted living. And then they had more surgery and they needed to put him in a real nursing home so that he could recover. And he never really got totally back. So.
Martika Whylly:
And and how has that been for you?
Joan Lubar:
You want my honest story?
Martika Whylly:
Yes, yes, of course. If you're willing to share this.
Joan Lubar:
I won't share probably on your interview. But I had really I had really decided I wanted a divorce before he got diagnosed. And then right after that, he got diagnosed with Parkinson's. And I said I decided I would stay because I really felt we could help him a lot.
Joan Lubar:
I could help him a lot. And I knew a lot about nutrition and wellness and I knew who to go to. And so I stayed with him. And that was twenty three years ago.
Joan Lubar:
So so I stuck it out for most of the time. I mean, I'm still his power of attorney, so it's not like I just left him high and dry, but. I really needed to do that anyway, because he he needed to go on Medicaid and it would have just taken everything that we had, so.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah, so what can I say?
Martika Whylly:
I don't know. Now, you said this, you said you mentioned you wouldn't know, you wouldn't say this in the recording because I'm recording this, but I could take that part out. Yeah, I thought this was going to be the you know, it doesn't have to be too long, but, you know, just sharing a little bit from your perspective.
Joan Lubar:
Well, I could definitely share, you know, in a different way. I, I certainly wouldn't want to say that I was looking at getting divorced because I know it's just.
Martika Whylly:
Well, I know it sounds kind of heartless, but you didn't know that was going to happen.
Joan Lubar:
Right.
Martika Whylly:
And and how could you know? I've heard similar situations where somebody was going to leave another person and then all of a sudden the person they were going to leave took sick or got into an accident and they needed care.
Martika Whylly:
So it made for the person that was going to do the leaving. They they didn't anymore because they still cared for the person and didn't give them high and dry, as you would say.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah, exactly.
Joan Lubar:
You know, he's a very good person, a wonderful man in many ways. But and I think what happened was some of the Parkinson's symptoms that we didn't know were symptoms were occurring. And so for me, what happened was all of a sudden it explained all of these behaviors in these ways that he had been. So it made more sense when I found out that he actually had something really wrong. So things like the beginning of dementia, but not exactly it just didn't process really well, and I couldn't tell you why that was happening. So, you know, I'm thinking this is just do I want to stay with him? And then when I found out that it was actually Parkinson's and a lot of those symptoms were really more Parkinsonian, so.
Martika Whylly:
Ok, and so when you found out you just decided to not divorce him, then.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah, I decided I felt like, you know, with my my background and my information and my connections, I thought, you know what, we can pretty much beat this now. We knew we couldn't get rid of it, but I did feel like we could minimize it and prolong it, which we did, and really, really had the nutritional support. And and then I learned some other things as well. But I think he was just discouraged anyway. So he didn't do everything he needed to do. Like with Parkinson's, you really need exercise and to do a lot of movement. And we were dancers, so we continued doing some of that, but not that much.
Joan Lubar:
And he just I think he didn't want to get on a really good exercise regimen. I mean, he was an exercise physiologist, so and a trainer for sports teams. So he knew what he needed to do. But I think he was just discouraged and he gave up.
Martika Whylly:
Well.but could be discouraged and trying to do something and you can't because Parkinson's is the inability to. Help me out with this one.
Joan Lubar:
Well, it's movement, it's a movement disorder, that's for sure. And with it came some tremors, but we got those under control between the nutrition and the and the medicine that he was on. We got those under control. So so he really in many ways had the ability. But, you know, you don't when you're not walking in someone else's shoes, you don't really know what the problems are that they're facing. And and and he didn't want to explain it. I think he felt it made him look bad. And I spoke to a homeopathic doctor, actually, an M.D. and I don't know if you're familiar with homeopathy, but it's another kind of medicine. And there's always a an emotional side to any disease. And what she said, it was like a person that was in a cave and there was a bonfire going and the door to the cave or the rock covering the door was shut. And so he internalized everything, which is exactly what that describes. So so he kept everything in. And so that made it more difficult. And that made him more depressed, probably. So it was it was not easy, but, you know, once in a while, I would say to myself, let's say you're taking a step and dragging John, you know, so but I I kept very upbeat as much as I could.
Joan Lubar:
And fortunately, the things that have really kept me going and helped me with my own self care, which is one of the things we had talked about, was that there are three things that are really the. Triangle, I think, to health, to good health, and the bottom is nutrition, so the bottom is what you're feeding your body and and how you're replacing your cells and how you're you're staying healthy, physical level. Then the one side is movement. And the dance for me was very much part of that keeping me going. And I even to this day, if I can just put the music on and dance, it's like your your whole energy is lifted up and your whole feeling of well-being is lifted up. But the third thing is attitude. And within that I consider my own personal spiritual journey part of that. And I already was very much into my own spiritual journey. And so I had a different way of looking at what was going on. And so I was able that really helped bring me through so much I can't even begin to tell you. So those were my three major pillars for self care.
Martika Whylly:
Mm hmm. And so that that helped you with your. I guess. You're the loss of what you had in having to help him.
Joan Lubar:
I mean, absolutely, absolutely. Because my. One of the things I mean, we were dance partners when we got married, so we did we taught dance. We traveled around the country to different dance events where we would teach sometimes judge, sometimes reform or even compete. And he was really my partner. And he also was somewhat of my partner in my health and wellness business. So when he got sick and gradually was able to do less, it was that was one of the one things that thing that was really important to me was to have a partner in my business and, you know, what I did. And so that was disappointing. So I had to really pull together about that. And he did what he could to help me, but it really got less and less over the years. And then we moved to to Oregon, where it really was not he wasn't really doing much of anything in terms of working with me so that it was disappointing. But because of those three pillars, I was really able to keep myself going and to do what was important, I thought, in my life, and to make sure that I was following my journey and my purpose. So.
Martika Whylly:
So you used you used the foundation as nutrition, music and dance yeah?
Joan Lubar:
Nutrition, movement, which was more dance than anything.
Joan Lubar:
When I came to Oregon, I mostly did Jazzercise and that kept me going. That was really great. And then the third pillar is attitude, how I looked at life and my spiritual development and my spiritual beliefs. And, boy, that just all that pulled me through.
Martika Whylly:
Right. And even for today, like he's still he said he's not doing good. So he's. Kind of watching somebody slowly go can be very difficult. I know I work in a nursing home, so.
Joan Lubar:
Oh, yes, I'm sure you see it every day. Yes.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah.
Joan Lubar:
Well, and he is at the point now, I mean, I've watched him deteriorate and it's been it's been difficult. He had some surgery, which is when he first ended up going into a nursing care facility, because one of the things with Parkinson's is that it affects if you have anesthesia, it really affects your mental capacity. And it was either a matter it was back surgery. So it was either a matter of him being in a wheelchair or because of the pain or taking a chance on surgery and hoping that the anesthesia wasn't too terrible and the anesthesia really put him into for about six, seven months into like hallucinations and memory problems and all kinds of different things mentally. So he was in a nursing home that was really a strict nursing home for about six, seven months. And then he came out of it enough that one of the caregivers said to me, he doesn't belong here anymore. And I didn't think so either. So we found him in assisted living because he still needed enough care that I couldn't do because I have a bad back. And so trying to do some of the things he needed, I really couldn't do them. And so he went into an assisted living and then unfortunately had another bout of intestinal surgery. And after that, he really needed more care. He didn't go into the same situation that he was in in the nursing home, but he needed more care than assisted living. So from that point on, he's been in some kind of care and he's in a particular care house now that they will they took him where he was still pretty. He still could talk well and do things even walk. And he would I don't know if he still does, but he was walking his walker all the way around the place for hours.
Joan Lubar:
So he definitely finally got into the movement and they will take him until he passes away. So it's several multiple layers or multiple levels of care. So now he really doesn't talk much except on occasion.
Joan Lubar:
And if he does really talk well, it means he's delusional and he's telling me some amazingly wonderful stories. So he's living somewhere else and just enjoying himself and telling me he's traveled to Michigan recently. He's traveled to the mountains where he grew up. I mean, it's it's very sweet and it's just, you know, but you can tell that he's just not doing well.
Martika Whylly:
Right. And that's and that happens when they get a little bit older and.
Joan Lubar:
Well, if they have a disease, yes, it doesn't have to happen. I mean I mean, there are many at least women that I know of that are in their 90s that are really sharp as tax and really amazing. But not everybody I mean, everybody has their own journey.
Martika Whylly:
That is so true. That is so true. I am working in a nursing home. I've seen people young that have had strokes that are needed care. They need constant care because they can no longer walk, you know, or they have Down syndrome. You know, those kind of things, right? They cannot you know, they they're cognitive, but they can't do simple things for themselves. They kind of get confused once in a while. And so, yeah, I can be it can be a little bit difficult. So I'm I'm grateful for you to share that.
Martika Whylly:
What helped you was the nutrition and the movement you said. Right and attitude. I believe that to be that was one of the things when I worked in the nursing home, I thought, OK, I got to start doing more yoga.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah. Yoga, working out and eating right. And of course, there are moments when I'm eating healthy all day. So I'll reward myself with some chocolate chip cookies.
Joan Lubar:
Ice cream always helps, you know, chocolate cake because.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah, live a little bit.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. No, I totally know what you're saying. Yeah.
Martika Whylly:
It's and and it's cute to see them because this one lady she was, it was in the morning and she was eating I guess it was popcorn or chocolate or something to that effect.
Martika Whylly:
And I said you don't spoil your breakfast, you know. And she just looking at me like I might not be here tomorrow. Leave me alone.
Martika Whylly:
Because if they don't say that. But that's the feeling that I get when they look at me like why depriving me of my last meal or could be great.
Joan Lubar:
Absolutely. Yes. I like to send out stuff or take out steps to to John's place that they can all share as well as he can. And, you know, it could be candy. They love candy. I mean, that's not something that I ever recommend anybody. But but, you know, for some of these people, they're at a stage where you just feel like, you know, give them whatever they want because they you don't know how long they have to live and let them enjoy whatever moments they can have.
Martika Whylly:
That is so true that that is true. So when I see them eating chocolate in in the morning time, I just I don't say anything.
Martika Whylly:
I'm like, are you enjoying that? You know, that looks delicious. But sometimes they'll offer me, you know, no, thank you.
Martika Whylly:
You know, I have asked the sweet. The sweet.
Joan Lubar:
Yes. They are. I have one.
Joan Lubar:
There's two ladies where he is that love reading, and so I always gather together whatever books that I've finished and I take them out there. So they appreciate it.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah, it's always the little things, isn't it?
Joan Lubar:
Totally.
Martika Whylly:
Yes. I have one lady that she was always needing underwear for whatever reason she was losing. And I thought, well, I'll try to get you some. And so I had some then a package that I hadn't even opened yet. So I brought them and I showed her. I said, would you like these ones are their briefs?
Martika Whylly:
And she said, Are you sure you don't want those? I said, no. I said, no, these are grandma underwear. I said, if my boyfriend saw me in these, his dick would get soft.
Martika Whylly:
And she laughed. I laughed so hard I thought she was going to have a stroke. And I said, Are you OK? Seriously are you OK, that was a good one.
Martika Whylly:
And so it's moments like that. But because, again, you never know. And then you just try to make the best of being in a nursing home where people are feeling pain. Some of them are so, you know, medicated. They, you know, they sleep a lot or they, you know, just say funny things. But I don't know, I just I get some joy out of, you know, being there with them. Yes.
Joan Lubar:
You know, if you're doing that kind of work, you have to love the people that are there.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah.
Joan Lubar:
And it's like you either love little kids or you love older people.
Joan Lubar:
I mean, those are like.
Martika Whylly:
The same thing as night once and twice a child.
Martika Whylly:
Yes, it's true. It's so true. And when I first started working there, like, sometimes they would have their moods, you know, the rolling in the wheelchair and some these in front of them not moving fast enough. And then all of a sudden they're fighting and saying not nice things to each other. And I'm like, OK, you guys, you know, children, be nice, play nice, play nice, play nice.
Joan Lubar:
Play nice. That's good.
Martika Whylly:
Or trying to get a resident to eat when they don't want to eat. And I said to one of the directors of care, I said, well, why don't you take a bite now? She she'll take a bite. She just looked at me, no I'm not going to do that.
Martika Whylly:
But I'm like well it could help. I just you know, in passing, you know, on my way somewhere else.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. So what else can I add.
Martika Whylly:
Yes.
Joan Lubar:
For your add I guess, you know, I know that your main theme has to do with dealing with grief, but at the same time I think. There's I guess there is kind of a grief when you're living with someone who's ill that you also have to deal with and do some self care. And I gave you some of the things that I think are important. But there are a couple of other things that I think people don't realize that they need to do. But if you have somebody that that you're caring for, that it probably is terminal. There are some things that I think are really important. If you want, I'll read you what they what I have on my little list here.
Martika Whylly:
Sure, sure. We would love to hear it.
Joan Lubar:
Ok. Well, I think the first thing that I realized was you have to do a self assessment and you really have to see where you are, are you depressed or do you have to deal with that because you're upset? Because this is not what you planned when you were with this person, whether it's a child or an adult or a partner or whatever. So figure out where you are today. I know in my book Rock and Roll, at any age, I have an assessment that I have people look at to figure out where they are today so that they can really see where they have to go to get to stay healthy and stay well while they care for someone. And a lot of times it's a woman that's caring for somebody. And I like the saying, if mom is not happy, no one's happy. So you really have to take care of yourself. And that's so, so important because the other person will not be well taken care of if you're not. So that was number one. And and I tell people to sit down with a pad and pencil and just start writing and write down what you're feeling about the person that you're taking care of, because I think that's important, too, because sometimes there's resentment that builds up and you don't want that to happen, which you want to recognize. You have it. And your caregiving activities. What can you do? What can you not comfortably do? What I said in this little article that I wrote is it's really a rare person that doesn't build up some anger and resentment.
Joan Lubar:
And so you really have to end the feeling that they're stuck and you really have to take a look at that and go, OK, I get it. I'm having these moments of anger, of resentment, of whatever it is. And one of the things I recommend for that is to actually every day sit down and write at least three to five things you're grateful for. And it could be the sun came up today. You know, it could be that you're feeling great today. It could be read a great book or you watched a good movie or whatever, but just writing down things that you're grateful for because it just seems to do something to your brain and change where your brain is. I also teach something called the flip switch, where if you find that you're down, you can switch to being somewhere else, thinking of something else that's really joyful to you. Maybe a time that you remember that was just wonderful and you kind of relive that for at least, say, 15 seconds and it literally changes the brain. You could do that. You could if you love being in nature, you could picture yourself out in a beautiful forest and walking around that kind of thing. So those are those are a couple of ideas of ways to help you modulate your mood. And and that's really important, because if you don't want your move, you end up not being a happy person.
Joan Lubar:
And that passes on and it also makes you sick. Another thing is gathering the right health care team. And that can be I mean, that's not necessarily for you. That may be for the person you're caring for. But if you have the right team and you really have to be careful and judge who you have, I mean, you may just need a couple of really close friends, as well as the doctor or nurse or massage therapist or chiropractor, whatever it is that you need on that team, because that team is your liaison between you and the patient, the person that you're taking care of in terms of keeping them as healthy as possible and keeping you strong and healthy. Does that make sense?
Martika Whylly:
Yes.
Joan Lubar:
So then the third thing is, well, of course, we talked about attitude that, you know, and you work with that with being grateful and some of the other things. And if you can think of this as more of a challenge, that was the first thing I thought of with John, it was we can beat this challenge. And and I really feel like in so many ways we did. And I'd rather think of it as a challenge than a life sentence. And I think that life sentence, there's a lot there's probably a lot a lot of people that don't have visitors in the nursing home you're in, do you find that?
Martika Whylly:
Well, more so now because of the covid.
Joan Lubar:
Well, that's true.
Martika Whylly:
But but yes. But some some people I never saw them have visitors. Of course, I wasn't there always twenty four hours. But there were people that had visitors and people that didn't have visitors. So.
Joan Lubar:
Right.
Martika Whylly:
We would have volunteers that would come into the home and sit with the people and talk to them, maybe do some colouring, word search, whatever they wanted to do.
Joan Lubar:
Right.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah. So we we do have that, of course that's on hold for now, but we still do have people that that do sit with them every now and again.
Joan Lubar:
Well, that is good.
Martika Whylly:
Yes, we still do have that.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. It can get awfully lonesome for the person that's going through this.
Martika Whylly:
Well yes.
Joan Lubar:
So anyway, the idea of not having it be a life sentence and maybe having some goals about where you want to what your next steps are in this and if you need professional help. Absolutely, absolutely. Get it, because that will help you get the person get through it so much better. I love this one. Keep your sense of humor. So if you have that, I mean, there's a book called. Well, it's by a man named Norman Cousins. It's very old and it's all about how he laughed his way through cancer therapy and actually got rid of the cancer. And what he did was get all of these Laurel and Hardy movies and all the old funny Keystone cops. And he just sat he went in and rented a hotel room. Now, I'm not saying a person needs to do this, but he just kept watching these movies and he would be laughing and laughing. And it really helped change the hormonal balance and how he felt. So it helped him get through a really, really difficult time.
Martika Whylly:
Yes, I believe in laughter's the best medicine I strongly believe in.
Joan Lubar:
Definitely.
Martika Whylly:
Oh, yeah.
Joan Lubar:
The other thing is awareness, making sure you're aware of your mood so that, you know, if you you know, sometimes we just can't we don't even realize that we're really down because it's been a tough day or things are not going well or whatever it is. Some somebody tipped you off for some reason and Erma Bombeck used to say, don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff, which is is a great way to look at life, if you can. But in the meantime, just at least be aware that you're down, that things aren't going so well today and have your support team around, you know, call your friend and call a family member that you're close to and make sure that you. Talk to somebody and let it out, and hopefully they'll help you get back into a good mood, though, that and then the last thing is that, well, I guess I do have a few more. Let me see if I have a few more. Do you have any spiritual support? And that goes a long way for a lot of people, whether it's going to church or to the synagogue or to the mosque, whatever it is that you need to do, or if you're spiritual like I am, I tend to be more spiritual. So meditation, personal prayer, really kind of connecting with the creative force that you believe in. And it's very, very helpful. And even then, expect the unexpected. I think that's another key thing.
Martika Whylly:
Don't have great expectations and know that crazy things can happen. I mean, John had major abdominal surgery on Christmas Eve, and it was it was just unbelievable what happened and, you know, expect the unexpected. So nothing I really kind of had an attitude that, hey, you know, whatever happens is going to happen. And I'm not going to I'm not going to sweat over it. I'm not going to complain about it, because if I complain about it, it's not going to change it. So I'm more action oriented, I guess, is part of it. And the last thing is, if you are caring for a spouse or partner, make sure you get all of the financial situation taking care of them so that you're you're able to afford whatever it is you need to find out the information you need, especially if it's elder care. You know, what are all the the things that you need to do to make sure you're taking care of as well as they're taking care of? Because there are so many people that all they're doing is doing the caregiving and then the person dies and they don't know where anything is. They Ah, and a loss for what to do, and they don't know about their income and they don't know there's a lot of little things that they don't know what they have and what they don't have. So those are those are my things for self care.
Martika Whylly:
Well, those are those are awesome things. Those are all awesome things that people should be aware of, especially the last thing and and the humor, making sure that their affairs are in order so that when they do passes none of this. OK, this is mine. Now you've, right stories of siblings, I've seen it and heard it before in families where the parents die sometimes that they're very close within weeks of each other, and then there's a bit of feud with the siblings who gets the house, because where was anything left? It wasn't anything in writing. So, yeah. And of course, humor, I think humor is so important. I was going through a really tough time.
Martika Whylly:
I turned to movies, comedies, comedies, and I laughed so hard. Honestly, at first I was offended, but then I got over the offensive part of this movie and I laughed so hard. It was so funny and actually watched a few times after that. And I realized I noticed the weight was lifted right off. I just felt so much better, so much lighter the next day. And I thought, really, I'm going to have to start laughing more so usually after work.
Martika Whylly:
It's one of my exercises, if you will, besides meditating and doing a bit of yoga and exercise to watch comedies to, you know, just be funny sometimes like .
Joan Lubar:
And silly.
Martika Whylly:
And silly. And so the other day I was just really not in the mood to be at work. And I had a particular coworker that likes to likes to have fun with me, which I am open to. But that particular day, I was not in the mood for her to boo! Around the corner or whatever.
Martika Whylly:
And so I said to her, I said, look, not today, I'm not in the mood. And she's looking at me and I'm like, Yeah, I'm serious. I said, you know, if you want to challenge me to a pillow fight or something like that, I said to her, and she's looking at me like like really? And I said, Yeah, you're going to be like, poof. What was that? So was me with my pillow. And I said, if you run and tell her boss, I going to tell you, you tell her to bring her pillow.
Joan Lubar:
Look, you can put the pillow down and just beat the pillow and you feel better.
Martika Whylly:
That's true, too. I'm only joking with pillow fights. I just figure if it's a nicer way to say, let's settle this with a pillow fight than a fist fight or, you know, how people it escalates. But that's just my humor.
Joan Lubar:
That's awesome. Have you ever seen the series Grace and Frankie?
Martika Whylly:
No, but I've heard of it.
Joan Lubar:
Oh, my gosh. It's so funny.
Martika Whylly:
OK.
Joan Lubar:
So funny. Now it's it's about two older women that are closer to my age, but oh my God, they do some of the funny. It's just a very funny show. It's Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda, but could not be different, which is part of what makes it so funny.
Joan Lubar:
So yeah.
Martika Whylly:
I'll have to check it out. You're the second person who has told me. So. OK, check it out. Yeah.
Joan Lubar:
Yes. That's a symbol.
Martika Whylly:
Symbol. Yeah. When I ran out when I ran out of watching other funny shows that I'll, I'll turn to that one.
Joan Lubar:
Ok.
Martika Whylly:
And binge watching. I'm trying to keep my binge watching to a very minimal.
Joan Lubar:
I'm working on that.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah. TV can be very addictive.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah.
Martika Whylly:
So it's like the number one addiction. Well used to be. And I'm in northern.
Martika Whylly:
North America number.
Joan Lubar:
Especially with covid-19 and staying home, wow.
Martika Whylly:
Well, that I for me it's more my computer. Like I'm I'm usually either checking emails, doing work on the computer.
Joan Lubar:
Yes.
Martika Whylly:
Easily waste two or three hours like it's five, ten minutes. You know, time goes by so fast on it and then it's I look at the clock and oh my gosh, I got to get ready for bed, get ready for tomorrow. And and I don't really watch a whole lot of television, although Netflix is starting to grow on me.
Joan Lubar:
It's creeping up on you.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do again, I try to stick to the comedy, something that's light rather than too much, you know, negative dramas and stuff I don't really want to experience. I won't really watch it.
Joan Lubar:
Well, I'm sort of bad. I'm not as much on the comedy, so there are comedies I really do enjoy and it sounds terrible, but I love the cop shows and the spies and all that sort of stuff, I think partly because it totally takes me away from everything. And if I want, I can do other things at the same time because I don't really care.
Martika Whylly:
You have it on the background, then?
Joan Lubar:
Yeah, sometimes.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah, it's for an escape sometimes. Yeah.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. Just get my mind off of maybe something I don't feel like thinking about.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah I get like that too. But again I try to focus on something positive in the background. I was having a nightmare one night and I haven't had a nightmare since I was a kid. And when I woke up the TV was on. My nephew was watching some kind of forensic show.
Joan Lubar:
Oh.
Martika Whylly:
And they were cutting somebody open. And this is what they found. And I'm like, oh, my God, boy, turn that off. It's like one o'clock in the morning, go to sleep.
Joan Lubar:
No wonder you woke up one day. You had a nightmare.
Martika Whylly:
Well, yeah. And that's when I realized I cannot it's not healthy to watch TV and then fall asleep, which again, I've done lots of times with movies.
Martika Whylly:
But again, I try to be mindful when I put up here. And as far as reading and what I'm watching, right.
Joan Lubar:
So that's good.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah, what I discovered, that man's greatest asset is his mind and her emotions.
Joan Lubar:
Uh huh.
Martika Whylly:
I started to mind what I was reading, what I was watching on TV.
Martika Whylly:
I my TV watching went down quite a bit in my twenties.
Joan Lubar:
Uh huh.
Martika Whylly:
Because I started working and had my own place, you know, starting life. I didn't have a lot of time for television. And then, of course, in my thirties, I did some moving around. And I wasn't one of those people that had recorded their shows and.
Martika Whylly:
Watch it later, right?
Joan Lubar:
Well, right, I have that ability, so that's kind of nice, but yeah, I'm kind of I've been watching a little bit less.
Joan Lubar:
I tend to binge watch at times, though, especially once you get started and something's really interesting. And then you go, what happened next? Oh, I want to know the next thing and I leave you hanging.
Martika Whylly:
That's how they hook you. That's why I stick to movies, because in the movies is only an hour and a half to two. Yes. Yes. Half hour long. And that's it. And that's the end of it.
Joan Lubar:
Right. And then you can turn it off and go to bed or something.
Martika Whylly:
That's right.
Joan Lubar:
Yeah. So.
Martika Whylly:
Well, Joan, I appreciate your coming in and talking about looking after John and how that was for you and what helped you through it.
Joan Lubar:
Thank you.
Martika Whylly:
I really appreciate it.
Joan Lubar:
Yes, my pleasure. Thank you so much for asking me. And just keep me posted when you get started on your show. I'd love to hear who else you've been interviewing to.
Martika Whylly:
Me, too.
Joan Lubar:
Oh, and I did give you Georgeann, I think is your name. I sent you somebody's name and phone number and information. Did you get it,
Martika Whylly:
Georgeanne you said?
Joan Lubar:
Something like that. I can't remember. I'd have to go back. But I've known her off and on for years and she runs a grief.
Martika Whylly:
Oh, I believe. Yeah. You know what I did? Look at it. I didn't listen to it.
Martika Whylly:
I believe by that time I was getting mentally tired and I thought, OK, I look at this later. And then, of course, that was probably a week ago.
Joan Lubar:
Well, she's a good one to interview, I think.
Martika Whylly:
Ok, and I think I think you you were messaging me so it could be I'll have to go back and read the notes and our messenger our conversation, because I believe that's where it is. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for the lead. I haven't reached out yet. I haven't reached out as yet. I am. I'm still learning how to do the editing part of the watching videos. No like it is and it is a lot of work and I'm finding...
Joan Lubar:
I know and I'm not good at that myself. I, I need to be able to do that as well.
Martika Whylly:
I'm going to stop recording now first, if I can find the button.
Joan Lubar:
I think you found it. You're on pause.
Martika Whylly:
Yeah. OK, stop.
outro music:
You've been listening to the Grieve with Ease podcast with your host Martika Whylly. We hope you found comfort with what you heard. Be sure to leave a rating and review of the Grieve with Ease podcasts. Show and visit our website at Grieve with Ease dotcom.
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