Ep22_Anxiety ADHD and living abroad_Seda Batillani.mp3
Ep22_Anxiety ADHD and living abroad_Seda Batillani.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
Ep22_Anxiety ADHD and living abroad_Seda Batillani.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Emily:
Happy New Year. Welcome back for more frank discussions about academic mental health and illness. Today, we travel to Edinburgh in Scotland to meet Sedda Batillani. Seta is a PhD researcher and shooter at the University of Stirling, whose thesis looks at migrant businesses, trans languaging and identity. Yes, I did ask her what that means at the start of our episode. Seda it was drawn into research in linguistics after learning about the field during her undergrad. She became fascinated by how communication impacts the way we perceive each other. She's broadly interested in multilingualism, migration, language policies and minorities languages. She also uses her research expertise to help endangered language communities in Turkey. During our discussion, Sarah opens up about early struggles with an anxiety disorder and the complexities of pursuing an ADHD diagnosis whilst also an international student.
Seda:
I suppose it's the kind of hidden curriculum of being an academic in a Russell Group university, so that's kind of like the Ivy League like prestigious university. It was very intensive. The thing about ADHD is that you can you usually leave it to the last day to study for the exam and you sort of cram everything into your brain next day. You just dump it out and then you can forget it again. But when I got to my master's here, I suddenly had to organize a lot of tasks around much longer sort of deadlines, you know? I simply couldn't. I remember writing like a 4000 word paper the night before, and I would just sit in front of my laptop for like 16 hours and just crash afterwards because I simply, I simply couldn't do it another way. There was a lot of that, and there was also, of course, you're navigating a completely different country.
Emily:
If you find this episode valuable and have some spare change. Remember, you can support the podcast at BuyMeACoffee.com/VOApodcast. Thank you.
Emily:
Welcome to Voices of Academia with Emily King. It's a podcast where researchers from around the world open up about their mental health. They might laugh, cry or say things you disagree with, but this has lived experience, not professional advice. We cover some sensitive material, but it's worth it to normalise difficult conversations, reduce stigma and help people feel less alone. Let's get into it.
Emily:
All right, Seda, welcome to the podcast!
Seda:
Hi, thank you.
Emily:
So you came forward, you were actually one of the first people to respond when Voices of Academia announced that we were going to set up a podcast back on World Mental Health Day in 2020. So it's almost a year ago now and we've obviously been in contact. No, not a problem. We've obviously been in contact over that time. But I guess for our listeners to understand, I don't necessarily interview our guests in order because I'm always trying to sort of make sure that we have a diverse range of stories and a diverse range of sort of people coming forward as much as possible. So that can be one of the reasons for a bit of a delay. We did almost schedule interview about six months ago, but I know you were sort of further investigating your health at that time, and I think that'll probably come up today. And you got married, too. So congratulations, I did.
Seda:
Thank you so much.
Emily:
And you mentioned pre-recording that your partner is Italian. Could you tell me a little bit about him?
Seda:
So he's we actually met during our master's here in Edinburgh. So we I mean, I was doing applied linguistics and he was doing linguistics. And at the time, we were just friends. But when I came back for my Ph.D., it kind of just naturally developed, I suppose. So he's a PhD student as well. He's at the University of Edinburgh and I'm at the University of Stirling, so. Yeah, it's just a lot of stress, a lot of writing all that stuff in our house,
Emily:
But you can commiserate with each other as well.
Seda:
Exactly. Misery loves company. Yeah. So yeah.
Emily:
And what was the favourite part of your wedding?
Seda:
To be honest, probably the photos.
Emily:
Oh, yes!
Seda:
So the thing is we couldn't we couldn't have like a proper wedding wedding because of the pandemic, so we had to sort of we could only have to what sort with witnesses and that's all that we could have in the room. Wow. Ok. So what we did was we just sort of broadcasted everything on Zoom and invited everyone. Yeah, that would have been
Emily:
So difficult because I know Italian families, you know, big on community, they would have wanted to have hundreds of people.
Seda:
Same as Turkey.
Seda:
Yeah, our cultures are really similar in that sense. And I mean, we would love to celebrate with them, too. Obviously, it was. It was really hard because we had to do everything ourselves. I had I had a whole wedding dress tailored for myself, and then I just left it in Turkey because we were supposed to get married in Turkey. And then, you know, the second wave started. So I just bought another dress here for like, you know, just for the day. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I really wanted to have some sort of photos in the city that we met, right? So. Edinburgh Yeah. So that was really nice that I'm sure like in the future, when we look back at it, we're going to be really we're going to remember it very fondly,
Emily:
And it'll definitely make for a good story for the grandkids if you get to that point.
Seda:
I hope so. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to tell the story forever. Like to whoever who lives like that will listen basically. Love it.
Emily:
So you mentioned so you're obviously a PhD student. And you mentioned in your bio that your PhD thesis partly investigates migrant trans languaging. And I'm just intrigued. What is that exactly?
Seda:
So the idea of trans language is that so it's it comes from sort of like multiple bilingualism multilingualism research. And the whole idea is to give you some context and back. For the most part of the 20th century, we looked at languages like in the bilingual brain or multilingual brain as separate entities. Here's Turkish, here's English, and they are separate things and they don't mix well and they shouldn't mix well and all this stuff. And then in the last, especially two decades, I want to say, I mean, the term trans language is older than that, but especially in the past two decades, the idea that languages might not be that those rigid boxes and maybe we use all of them more like in a basket, you know, without careful regard for, you know, I'm speaking Turkish now or I'm speaking English now, you know, just choosing whatever you have in your little basket of everything when you want to communicate with someone, that sort of idea started coming up more. So that was the idea behind sort of the idea behind trans languages. So if you're a multilingual or like a bilingual person, there's a good chance that you're going to be using a lot of different, you know, languages, you know, named languages or like different modes of communication like, I'm using my hands right now.
Seda:
Even though the listeners won't see it, I'm using my hands a lot. So you use all of your communicative repertoire, is what we call it, and not putting these things in these little boxes of different languages helps us in a variety of ways. There's a socio linguistic aspect. There's there's all sorts of things, but I'm not going to get too much into it. But essentially it's basically I was I did my sort of field research in a barbershop where there was a lot of, you know, a lot of people from different backgrounds. So I had Turkish people, Polish people. And then the customer base was very, very, very varied. Yes. So I basically looked at, you know, how do people use language when there's so many of them, like so many of these languages, you know, how do people communicate? So that was the idea behind that. I don't know if that was clear at all. But yeah, no,
Emily:
I think so. Like, I mean, I I'm familiar with people that kind of yeah, they'll switch between multiple different languages when they're communicating, particularly like with kids, I guess they'll say, like one sentence in one language, then another sentence in another language or, you know, a sentence that's mixed. And I guess trans language is the term for that.
Seda:
So the term is basically like, we don't like. It's basically like, how can you mix when there are there isn't a big boundary between the two anyway. So like demolishing that idea of mix is part of it, you know, because there isn't something to mix, these are already. Blended together, is the idea exactly intertwined, I suppose, yeah. So that's kind of kind of like a theoretical shift.
Emily:
And I'm guessing it's a way of kind of, yeah, because I know part of your research is on migrant identity as well. So I'm guessing that is a way of kind of embracing all the different sides of one's identity. Yeah.
Seda:
Absolutely, absolutely. Embracing everything and then maybe just creating a new sense of identity as well through these conversations that you have with people that hence the migration tie for my research, basically.
Emily:
But yeah, it's really interesting. I've always been really interested in language, so I wanted to touch on that. And you also mentioned that you use your research expertise to help endangered language communities in Turkey. So we've obviously already acknowledged that you were born in Turkey. And I'm just interested, like what constitutes an endangered language community and what languages fall into that category in Turkey?
Seda:
So, yeah, so endangered languages. The. The most of the time when we talk about endangered languages, we will use certain lists that's already have categorized these languages and there's varying degrees, so like a language could be, you know, on a on a scale of endangered ness, let's say, and it depends like it could be. I mean, it could be. One language might have two speakers left like two native speakers left. But if a language, another language might have like 100000 speakers, but that could still be endangered because it's not being transmitted to the next generations. So like, there's a decline in the people who speak it right? So it's a spectrum in that sense. But in terms of Turkey's endangered languages, the reason most of them are called endangered is because, again, of this decline in the speakers, some of them are dead, unfortunately. But the language is that I am currently focusing on our love and Circassian, so Circassian itself is not. It's a Caucasian like it's in the Caucasus. It's spoken widely in the Caucasus, and it's a diaspora language in Turkey, and that's why it's in the decline. So that's why it's endangered in Turkey, even though it's like a still sort of big language in Russia, where where it's the like, that's the motherland of the language. But in Turkey, it's on a decline, you know, so that's the kind of thing. And for love, it's an it's a language indigenous to the.
Seda:
Northeast of Turkey and then spilling over to Georgia, so that whole Black Sea sort of end of Black Sea part, basically, and again, there's a sharp decline in the number of speakers of the language, and this has a lot to do with previous very aggressive language policies against these languages. So banning banning the speaking of these languages like people couldn't speak them on the street, let alone, you know, be educated or read or write and all that stuff. And we're talking about like a hundred year period. So that has done a lot of damage for these people. And I suppose where I come in is trying to both raise awareness within these communities, like within the people who actually do identify as Circassian or laws, but also outwith that category, right? So just people who are maybe ethnically Turkish majority like, you know, as a majority ethnicity, I suppose, who might not even know that love is actually a language and not just the way people speak over there in the Black Sea. You know, so there's that kind of understanding. So and also, I'm trying to help people like this help sort of maybe slow that generational decline with the trans language and stuff with the whole bilingual, bilingual, multilingual legalism type thing. So that's where I come in at the moment. Ok. Yes. I don't know if I went through too long.
Emily:
You know, that was great. Super interesting. So yeah, if anyone in the audience is a linguist said as the one to go to please.
Seda:
Exactly.
Emily:
And how did you develop an interest in in that particular type of research?
Seda:
So it's it's really interesting, actually, because I didn't even know linguistics as a field existed until the second year of university when I took an introduction to linguistics class
Emily:
In your undergrad.
Seda:
Oh wow. Exactly. And in my undergrad, exactly. And I was like, Wow, this is a thing that exists. And I had a teacher who mostly focused on sociolinguistics and not formal linguistics. And that was the thing that got me really interested in it because like, wow, language in society, you know how we speak. You know, all these societal things like, I don't know, gender, age class like these have an effect on how we perceive each other. The way we speak of has an effect on how we perceive each other. And there's so many things going on about the languages that we speak, even even if we don't think about it daily. You know, it's something that very much affects us, you know? So that was I think that was the entry point for me. And during my masters, I just. I just got really interested in like bilingualism and multilingualism, I guess, you know, because it was it was really interesting to me, so. And then I ended up here, yeah, here you are. Yeah, exactly.
Emily:
Well, now that I've barraged you with the questions about your life, we'll get back to the key focus for today. So I'm interested to know why you'd like to share your mental health story with us.
Seda:
I suppose it is to sort of. You have an idea. I mean, OK, so I do qualitative research, right, and in qualitative research, we do go very deep into certain almost individual levels to see what we can learn from those very micro stories, right? So we don't maybe we don't always look at the the big, huge picture, but when we look at that individual part, we can see that it's really relevant to a lot of people, even though I'm just talking about one person, right in my whole research, maybe. So I feel like maybe my story in my own specific context could resonate with others. And if it doesn't resonate, people could learn that, Hey, this exists too. I guess I've never thought about this before. So that's that was the idea.
Emily:
Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, I totally agree with that because, you know, I've obviously interviewed a wide variety of people so far, but I can still see little parts of my own story in almost every single person that I interview, even though, you know, they obviously have unique parts of their experience as well that I'm learning about. Yeah, I definitely agree. So I just want to thank you for coming forward and being willing to be so open about this and particularly at this time during the pandemic.
Seda:
No, honestly. Thank you for initiating this. I think it's such an important topic that we need to talk about and talk with, you know, like, have that sort of communication between between us as I suppose, academics.
Emily:
Yeah, I agree. And I think it's great that it's a global thing because it means like, you know, even though there might only be a select number of people in each country that are, you know, kind of comfortable with sharing, we're able to share this globally and start to build this kind of community where people realize, Oh, yeah, like that person has dealt with something kind of similar or, you know, someone that's not necessarily comfortable sharing is is able to start to build this community for themselves and realize, OK, like, I'm not the only one. I might be the only one in my department. You know that that acknowledges this, but I'm definitely not the only one because there are people all over the world that are talking about this kind of stuff. Exactly. So if anything, you say today really resonates with our listeners, where can they and that sort of like to get in contact with you? Where can they find you online?
Seda:
Erm, I think I mean, they can find me on Twitter, they can find me through my email, I guess that would be fine as well. If they don't use social media, I'm not going to say the handles and everything because I suppose we would write them down.
Emily:
You can say it, and I'll put it in the episode description as well. Yeah.
Seda:
Ok, so like on Twitter, it would be at a of parts, and that's kind of like a Scottish sort of saying. So it might not.
Emily:
I was wondering.
Seda:
Yeah, exactly. It was something I heard at a conference here in Scotland, and it was just something I kind of liked. And I was just like, OK, I guess I'll use this handle then, and my email is just be dot dot at stir. Actu, OK, OK. So yeah, those those could be the two outlets.
Emily:
Right, awesome. And yeah, we will put those in the episode descriptions. So a lesser parts is a olafeso pr IELTS. What does it mean?
Seda:
It's so the thing with it is when I heard it used, I heard it used in a sort of positive light. But then I realized, am I? Am I actually using something like, am I using it in a good way? I wasn't sure.
Emily:
Is this a naughty word?
Seda:
No, no, no. It's not. It's not because it was just like. Well, OK, the meaning is let's just start with the meaning. The meaning is like, so I'm just going to because I had it saved on the side in case it might come up. Right? So there's a lot of a lot of parts version. So it's like the, I suppose, male version lad and last, right? And it basically means a lot of parts is a youth, particularly one from a humble background who is considered talented or promising, you know, so I like that like I know, I know it was like a really nice. So the last version is obviously like the female version. Yeah. And I wanted to go with that, and I hope it still has that nice positive meaning. And it doesn't have that sort of maybe a negative connotation that I don't know about because I really like it.
Emily:
Let's just ignore it outside of it and be like, Yeah, it's positive, too. If we have any Scottish people listening, just just keep quiet on that one.
Seda:
So, yeah, yeah.
Emily:
So we're going to shift gears into your academic mental health story now said. And yeah, you know, we're we're in the second year of this global pandemic, and I always feel weird talking about mental health without acknowledging that. So I just wanted to ask, Yeah, how how are you given the pandemic and everything that's sort of going on right now? I know it's a loaded question, but how is it for you?
Seda:
It's. It could have been way worse. So let's start with the positive. Ok. You know, I'm lucky in that I had my partner throughout this whole thing, like with me in the same city and all that. If I didn't have someone with me, I know that I would have been significant in a significantly worse position. So I'm really grateful for my partner, my husband in that sense. But of course, I'm I mean, I'm an international student in Scotland, and living abroad is never very easy. And especially in. Certain environments under certain circumstances, like the visa status that I have here, it can be particularly challenging and I suppose I really I really felt that. So I don't I don't think we mentioned this in the like on on the record. But. So, for example, my husband hasn't been back to Italy in two years, and I haven't been back to Turkey in a year in over a year. And again, we had to get married without all, like all our loved ones and everything. And it has also taken a toll on obviously my physical health as well in the sense that I can't go out very often and without that sort of going out, I can really feel the toll that doing a PhD in front of a desk all day absolutely has really taken a toll on my neck. And, you know, like on my lower back and everything like, it's gotten to a point where. Walking up a flight of stairs can leave me breathless, sometimes
Emily:
You mature,
Seda:
Right? I'm happy someone relates.
Emily:
That happened to me last year when I was teaching and I was just like, Oh no,
Seda:
I know, I know exactly so. And of course, I'm I mean, I I really like seeing people and hosting people in my house. And, you know, in that sense, I'm really a people person. Hmm. So that's something that I miss a lot. Thankfully, we moved to this new place last year. I think, like almost exactly a year ago, I moved here and. At our current neighbors right now are, like, really nice, like they're really nice, so there's that sort of sense of community in that sense. So that has been a godsend, really. But other than that, doing the PhD is already a sort of very lonely feeling. Sometimes it can be very isolating, like you can feel very isolated while you're doing a Ph.D.. And what do you do like? You have some faculty meetings, you go into your shared space to come and space at the faculty, maybe. And now that we don't have that sort of thing, it can get much harder because I mean, the Zoom fatigue is real, right? So you don't really want to like when you want to meet friends. Even that can become a chore because you've been on Zoom for the entire day or like me, teams or whatever. So even just having a casual chat with your friends online feels like it requires a lot of energy, you know? And especially, I mean, I suppose we're going to get into that later on, but especially for like someone like me who I mean, I am at the moment self-diagnosed, but who has ADHD, right? I do.
Seda:
I start with a like more limited energy to begin with and with my anxiety. Of course, there's all sorts of, you know, like before we started this interview, I was feeling like, Oh my god, it's OK. Like, just just calm down. It's going to be fine, you know, just just these whole these all these things, like piling up on top of each other, just has made this a pandemic really hard on me. I feel like. I'd like to say I'm coping well, but I really I I feel like I'm missing a lot of things and missing out on a lot of things as well, because again, I'm here for a limited time in Scotland and there were so many things that we wanted to do still. And you know, I'm going to have to return to Turkey in like maybe one, two years, something like that. And I'm just like, Oh, OK, like, are we going to get to do the things that we really wanted to do? So there's always that stress as well, I suppose. Yeah, it's all over the place. I'm sorry, but my feelings about this thing is all over the place.
Emily:
Yeah, no. Totally relatable, though. And I mean, hopefully if you don't get to do the things in Scotland now, maybe you can go back at another point, you know, in the future. But I think that concept of loneliness, I think a lot of research is regardless of their level of seniority. You know, like even postdocs and supervisors, lab heads will be able to relate to that feeling of increased loneliness. I think during the pandemic, because research, you know, I guess depending on the field that you're in, but it often is quite isolating. And so this is just kind of confounded that. And I think a lot of people talk about how important it is to have things going on outside of your research to, you know, partially help deal with the difficulties of our industry. And without those things, you know, it makes it so much harder. So personally, I can definitely relate to that. And I think a lot of other people in the audience will be able to as well. So good luck. You could do it. Keep going.
Seda:
Thank you. I'll try.
Emily:
Yeah, so so yeah. So you've touched on a little bit that you're pursuing an ADHD diagnosis at the moment and you've obviously mentioned that you are an international student. So yeah, if I may, I just wanted to, as I mentioned before recording, just highlight, you know, that there are a lot of different things that you have had to try to manage and try to overcome. And although we can't cover all of those today, I think it's just important to acknowledge that you know, you're managing this on the side of a PhD and on the side of a global pandemic. So you have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in the past, and that's something that we will touch on today. Obviously, you're an international student, you're a previous minority as well. So you're an zabi, which I know will come up today. You've mentioned to me that you also deal with chronic insomnia, and yet you're obviously pursuing this ADHD diagnosis. So you know, that's a that's a lot. Even if you weren't doing a PhD and if you weren't kind of separated from your family and and yeah, I don't want it to come across as like a laundry list. And, you know, maybe it's a little bit challenging for you to hear that. And I'm sorry to put it in that kind of context, but I think it just kind of highlights, yeah, the level of strength that you have that you have been able to, you know, continue and, you know, you're sort of managing, okay and you know, you're being quite courageous in opening up about it today as well.
Seda:
So thank you. You know, I mean, it's not even a laundry, to be perfectly honest with you. When you said all those things, the first thing that comes to my mind is, Oh, I'm just making these up, aren't I? You know, so there's there's always that sort of background noise in my
Emily:
Head, that guy that sits in the back of the head. I know that guy very well.
Seda:
Exactly. So I was just like, Do I really have these things? Maybe I should. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, you know?
Emily:
And you know, like, I totally understand. But you know, we will get into some of how this has impacted your life. And and you know, before even talking about that, I know that I'm going to learn so much about what you've had to deal with. So, yeah, so note very real and, you know, very difficult things to manage and overcome. So you would think you diagnosed with it a generalized anxiety disorder at 17, and you said that was potentially thanks to high stakes national exams back home for you in Turkey. But you said it sort of hit you the hardest during your master's in Scotland, and that's when you started on medication. So would you mind sharing, you know, sort of your first memory of severe anxiety? Because I think maybe some of the audience may not have experienced that before?
Seda:
Yeah, yeah, so if we start with this high stakes national exam thing that I just mentioned, so in Turkey to get into a university, you need to take this. Well, when I entered it anyway, you need to take two again, high stakes national exams. So one and a half million students took it the year I went into it. And basically, it's like three hours of your life dictates the course of your life. No pressure, three hour test. No more exhausting. No pressure, really. So so there were two tests that I need to go through to get into a university. And at the time I wanted to study medicine. I'm really happy it didn't turn out to be that way. I'm really happy with where I am. But just for some context, it is the hardest measure to get into. In terms of that test, you need to do really well, right? So all your like your past four years of high school culminated to this moment, right? And the year before I took the exam, there was some sort of scandal with cheating in the exam. So they in the year I entered the exam, they banned students from going to the bathroom during that three hour thing. And I needed the bathroom. And so I just I remember I realized, Oh my God, I need to go to the bathroom. And I was looking at the questions and I was realizing like, even now, as I'm telling you this, I feel my chest tightening.
Seda:
And it's been what? Ten years, so it was like I vividly remember like I finished, so I finished the what was that natural sciences test? Ok, so there's four general subjects you need to do. And I was like, Oh my God, I need to do math. But I looked at the questions and I was so stressed out, like I was like, Oh my God, I don't think I can answer these questions. I'll just skip over to social sciences. And I remember 40 40 questions and I cried while filling all of them. All 40 of those. And I was like, Oh my God, I can't. I need to go. And I called the whole monitor and she was like, I'm sorry, I can't let you go to the bathroom. And so I remember very distinctly crying like, I'm crying as I'm solving these questions and I'm looking at my left hand and thinking, I wish there was someone who could hold my hand right now. Like, I just wish someone held my hand right now. You know who? Oh my god, I'm getting so emotional. You know so. So then I started panicking a lot, like my breath got really sort of shallow and everything, and I did maybe 10 questions of the maths and I was just like, OK, I have to, I have to leave.
Seda:
I can't anymore, you know? So I just gave my papers and everything. And it was it was devastating for me because like, just to give you an idea, this would have meant that I did. I would have gotten a worse score than I would have at the beginning of the year if I hadn't studied at all and took the test so that that would have meant that basically. And I remember I went down to the bathroom. It was downstairs and I was like wailing basically. And there was this woman in the bathroom. And, you know, I'm having all these. I'm hyperventilating. At that point, you know, and there was a cleaning lady in the room and she was like, Oh, it's OK. You can take the test next year because you can only take it once a year. You can take it next year. And I was like, You don't understand my entire life. I have to study for this for another year, you know, and I'm like, in such a bad situation. And then the whole monitor came into the bathroom and I thought, Oh my god, maybe she will pity me and take me back in. And she said, Could you cry silently? You're disturbing other people. Oh. Oh, I'm
Emily:
So sorry, I had to go through that.
Seda:
Yes, so so that that that's the one that really comes to my mind because I just I remember the absolute terror, like just genuinely that's the word I can describe it as the terror of just being there alone. Like, if only someone could calm me down because I didn't have the tools to calm myself down. At that point, I didn't really understand it very well. Even though it was there. I can remember back to when I was like 13 14. I can remember it being there, but it was never to this degree, right? So nobody really noticed. Even though I did, I did. The got out of exams beforehand because of panic attacks and my teachers again at high school, at the high school thought I was just trying to get out of it because I didn't study enough. So I would take it again. So there wasn't a lot of awareness about, well, there wasn't any about it. So it's it's only came out when I legitimately left the exam.
Emily:
Yeah. And and like, I think it's it's so difficult for people that haven't experienced that and certainly before I had experience that I just didn't understand like and and even I think people listening to that like still may find it difficult to grasp what that might feel like. But I think, you know, the fact that you're still feeling your chest tightened and your heart rate increased 10 years later like that. I feel like that. If, if, if you're having trouble understanding this, I think that is like a really core point that this level of pain has stayed in your body for 10 years. And like, thank you for sharing that because I know it sort of means reliving that experience to a degree, and I know that that can be really difficult. But yeah, I think like that's a really kind of powerful example of like the impact that it can have on you.
Seda:
Yeah, basically, like you said, like it has zero effect on my life right now, like the fact that I, I don't know, quote unquote failed that test, which I mean, isn't the case, but it has zero effect on my life right now. And I'm still like, I'm coming. I'm trying to calm myself down right now because of the aftermath of telling that story. You know, so yeah,
Emily:
Do you need a minute?
Seda:
No, no, I'm fine. I've been here. It's fine.
Emily:
Oh yeah. So, so yeah, so you moved to Scotland from Turkey for your masters? That's correct. Yep. And when did you start and finish your masters just for a bit of a timeline?
Seda:
Yeah. So it was 20, 16 September is when I started, and twenty 17 September was when I finished my thesis and December is when I graduated officially. Ok, basically. 2016 2017.
Emily:
Ok, cool. Thank you. So you were an international student at that time, and I mean, you still are. What effect did that have on your mental health?
Seda:
A lot, so, yeah,
Emily:
Difficult question, I understand.
Seda:
Exactly. So before that, I did live in, I did an exchange semester in Poland before that, so it wasn't my first ever experience abroad, even though the Poland one was really tough as well for a lot of different reasons, mainly to do with me being visibly being a minority in a very Catholic country. Was there was the main thing at that time, but in Scotland? Well, it was very daunting because. First of all, it wasn't just six months at this time. It was it was a full year, and it does take a toll on you because. I mean, maybe you might think in the grand scheme of things, six, 12. Same difference, really, but it really hits you harder once it's like significantly longer, I suppose, than, I don't know, four or five months, at least that was my experience anyway. And one of the other things is, I suppose it's the kind of sort of hidden curriculum of of being an academic in the UK, in a in a Russell Group university. So that's kind of like the Ivy League type thing, you know, like prestigious university. It was very intensive to go there after my education in Turkey, where basically everything was based on sort of exam type thing. So you write an exam in an hour and then finish up and I did education like I did teaching English speakers of other languages. So we had a lot of classroom practice, but not much on essays and stuff like that, right? Not much focus on research at all.
Seda:
So you go into this university and suddenly you have to write a lot of papers. The thing about ADHD is that you can. Work like you usually leave it to the last day to study for the exam and you sort of cram everything into your brain next day, you just dump it out and then you can forget it again. Good, right? So it happens in a very small scale, like in a very like in two or three days, right? So you can you can you can sort of do it in a very quick time period. But when I got to my master's here, I suddenly had to organize a lot of tasks around much longer, the sort of deadlines, you know. So like the first two weeks of December, we would have like four papers due and I would have had to work on that. Those papers for like a month, a month and a half and like, you know, really flesh it out and all that stuff. And I just I simply couldn't. I found myself basically at a loss in that sense. And I remember I remember writing like a 4000 word paper the night before, and I would just sit in front of my laptop for like six hours and just crash afterwards because I simply, I simply couldn't do it another way.
Seda:
You know? And so and I was I was like a very like in my university back in Turkey, I was sort of like a very successful student type. So I come here and I get. Less than like less than great grades. Right, and that that was that was like, Oh, wait, wow, this is actually hard. You know, so there was a lot of that and there was also, of course, your navigating a completely different country. Right? Just just the simple, simple fact that just for context, in Turkey, unless you're studying in a city other than your home city, you usually stay with your family throughout the university as well, so you don't move into another house usually. And my family lived in Istanbul and I studied in Istanbul, so I stayed with my family, like with my mother. So not having that sort of, OK, this is my home. My mom usually cooks my meals, you know, not having all that sort of heading what's underneath here? And, you know, just trying to make friends with people like all new people. You don't have any of your best friends suddenly like your friendships you curated over like 15 years. The well, they're not gone, but they're gone. If you know what I mean, like, you can't just call your best friend and be like, Can we go out for a coffee? I'm so tired. You know, you don't have that sort of thing.
Seda:
And when you're first starting your relationship, you really have to be mindful of, Well, am I bothering this person? You know, and and it was just so hard. I. And so towards. I think it was January 20 70. So like midway through my masters, I realized I kind of just I couldn't focus on my lessons anymore. Like, I genuinely couldn't listen. So then I started looking into this. I don't remember what? I don't remember what to like, what what initially made me think I might have ADHD. I don't really remember, but I did sort of a lot of research on what it's like, and I was like, Oh, maybe I do have this thing, you know? So that was my idea. Like, I didn't go in to the GP. So the the doctor, let's say the general practitioner, I didn't go in to go in there saying, Hey, treat my anxiety. I actually went in there saying, Do you think I might have ADHD, you know? And then they sent me for an evaluation with the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist told me, You know what? You have a lot of anxiety, so maybe we should start with that first. Like, it might cause anxiety and ADHD can overlap in certain symptoms. So why don't we treat your anxiety first? Because that's an easier thing to start with rather than getting you on, you know, sort of quote unquote heavier medication medication that you usually get prescribed for ADHD.
Seda:
And I did go on. What's the name of that? Fluoxetine, the brand name changes everywhere, but I'm sure the people who use it will understand what I'm talking about. But the problem is, and this is one of the things that I really wanted to like, I really want to sort of talk about is that what they told me, what the psychiatrist told me? Ok, let's meet again in like a month and tell me how you're doing with this, you know, with its new medication. But I didn't know how to. But how to tell if that makes sense, like how do I know if I'm doing better or worse on this medication? I just I couldn't tell. I mean, now looking back on it, I realize that when I started that like fluoxetine. My sleep schedule got completely overturned, and it started the hardest part of my masters because I couldn't sleep until nine a.m. and I would have a 10 a.m. class, right? And then so I would go to the 10 a.m. class. Then another class and then I would come home at like four, and I would socially, I would be so sleepy I would crash and wake up at like 2:00 a.m. And the vicious cycle continues. So but I at that point, I couldn't. I couldn't correlate that with the with the medication. You know, I didn't understand.
Emily:
I don't know. So you weren't educated on the negative things to expect, and if those happen to go back to the psychiatrist, I discuss it.
Seda:
I kind of I mean, I did read the side effects, but
Emily:
No, but as in the psychiatrist didn't mention it to you because that's something that mine did, for example. Like, if you have this, this, this and this, let me know and we'll sort it out. So that information wasn't kind of communicated.
Seda:
And there's also the thing of like. I suppose like when when the psychiatrist asked you, Oh, how have you been doing? But you don't sometimes you just don't know how to answer because you didn't establish your relationship with the psychiatrist. I mean, the psychiatrist told me last time for four to five minutes and this time they're seeing me for like, what, 10, 10, 20 minutes. So how am I supposed to? I mean, anyone who has been to like who has been to therapy would know, like, sometimes you just speak about nothing for like 25 minutes, 30 minutes and like at the last 15 minutes of your appointment, that's when you start. You know what? I had this terrible thing, and you know, that's when things start coming out and when I didn't have that sort of thing with the psychiatrist, I suppose I was just like, I don't know, I'm OK, I guess, you know, and and they were just like, OK, let's continue to continue on this for for a longer while, and then maybe we can revisit the ADHD thing. But the problem is. Um, I finished my masters and I had to go back to Turkey because I'm here on a visa. You know, so I can't I can't just stay. Well, even if I could, I have the money to stay anyway. I had to go back, go back home, you know? And so I go back home and I started some sort of. Hmm. Not therapy, some treatments. Situation in Scotland. So how do I roll it over to Turkey this time? And how does that thing work? Right.
Seda:
So I wasn't sure what to do, but at that point I kind of realized so this is like six months into the medication education medication. Sorry, maybe maybe even more. And I start realizing like, I'm kind of miserable with this. This is this isn't really helping. I don't remember the dosage they started me on, but anyway, I wasn't. It wasn't good for me. So then I went to a psychiatrist in Turkey that my friend went to, and she was diagnosed with ADHD very recently by that person whose children also had ADHD. So I expected, OK, this person will probably understand me. So I went to her and this was like, again, 15 20 minutes because this is a public hospital, like a state hospital. So they have a lot of people coming in and out. So this lady sees me for like 20 minutes, and I went in and I said, So like, what brings you here today, right? And I was like, Hey, so this is my medical background. They've been treating me for anxiety, but like my initial thing was ADHD, and I made a list of things that makes me think that I might have ADHD. And I remember the first thing she told me, like, I said this, like as I entered the room, she laughed. She laughed, and she said, Yeah, she laughed. And she said, You have ADHD and you have made a list. And I was like, yeah, you know, apparently that rules me out, I don't know,
Emily:
Because they don't have the best bedside
Seda:
Manner. No, it was and already like, I was like, Oh, OK. You know, because you go in there and you're already feeling vulnerable about this thing you're talking about, you know, and the person is just so condescending and like, of course, I made the list I might like. We can function like now looking back, I can tell this, you know, I can tell. Of course, someone with ADHD can friggin make a list. Otherwise, how would we society? You know, how
Emily:
Would we adult?
Seda:
Exactly. You know so. And then I went in and I explained to her, like, I went through my list and everything I went, I made the list because I'm taking this very seriously and I hyper focused on my ADHD at some point. So of course, I have a list.
Emily:
Yeah, and well, you need to present evidence as well to that person when they've never met you before. So lack.
Seda:
And I mean, of course, this changes from person to person, but this isn't a grounds on which you can just rule out something entirely, obviously. But then she was essentially like, she was like, Well, you can't have ADHD because you've finished your master's, you shouldn't have been able to finish it. And I was just like, OK, I guess at that point, I did believe that person because I mean, she's a
Emily:
Well, there are specialist,
Seda:
You know? Yeah. And they have kids with ADHD like, you know, and they diagnosed my other friend. So, you know, like, obviously, the problem must be with me, like something about me, you know? But so she was just like, I know this isn't ADHD, you just have anxiety. I'm just going to change your pills and just put like major depression and possibly bipolar and stuff. Yeah, so. So she started me on these like really heavy medication at that point. And we're we're sort of at the end of twenty seventeen beginning of twenty eighteen at this point in the timeline. And so I was like, OK, I guess I don't have ADHD. Whoops! You know, so. But I just realized. Maybe like. Five months ago, how much this had traumatized me, because after that instance, I didn't go to see a GP about my mental health up until five months ago, so that's like three years, you know, because yeah, I just I felt really humiliated and I felt really like, Oh, you're just making stuff up. And in between, I saw like another psychiatrist and they were like, Oh, this might be bipolar. They switched up my medicine, you know, and like, at that point, I'm just kind of really frustrated and I don't want to do anything anymore about it because I kind of feel I genuinely I remember telling my friends, I feel like a guinea pig. I feel like they're just like, like making a shot in the dark and hoping it would work like, you know, and. And so. I only had the sort of courage to go back after like so my my husband and I, we got together at the end of September 2018, which is my first semester of PhD, right? So at that point I spent one year in Turkey after my master's and I came back for my PhD. Right? And like, we started dating and I sort of realized you have ADHD, you know, and
Emily:
And then he does.
Seda:
He does. Yeah, exactly. I told him, You have ADHD. And he was he was just like, No, I'm just everyone just tells me I'm lazy and I have just like, you know, no, that's not it. Like, you really need to. You really need to go get checked because you're like textbook ADHD to be, you know, like. And so I sort of encouraged him. And at the end of our first year of our relationship, he got diagnosed with ADHD. And through his journey, I suppose, I kind of had like opened up that little Pandora's chest inside, inside me again to see, you know what? I really relate to this. Like, I know this person told me I might not have ADHD, but I just want to give it another shot. And at that point, I have I had learned a lot more. About these, like how ADHD might present itself in in a variety of ways. So I just. I thought, OK, I'm just going to go back to the Jeep. And start the process all over again, I guess. You know, and I went back, what, five months ago, something like that, I can't remember exactly. And I, they did the first. So what they do is the GP here gives you a couple of forms like sort of pre evaluation type thing which didn't exist in the Turkish one, by the way, you know. Yeah, it gives. They gave you, they give you these forms and you fill them out and the GP does the initial sort of evaluation. And then if they think, OK, there's a pattern here, they will refer you to a psychiatrist. So then I said I gave these forms to the GP and this was happening over over the phone like I had to hand hand them in personally because of COVID.
Seda:
So I wasn't actually in person with the doctor. And a couple of hours later or the next day, I can remember she called me and she was like, OK, so I looked over your, you know, forms. I'm like, Oh my god, please, please, please tell me, please tell me I'm not wrong. Like, it was really stressful. And he just she just said, you know, so it looks like you really are struggling a lot. So I'm going to refer you to a psychiatrist. And I was like, Oh my God, I wasn't lying this whole time, like she told me, like she said, I was struggling, you know? And that was such a sort of affirming moment, to be honest, because like. All this time, like. Like, I first thought about having ADHD at the end of like 20. Sorry. Yeah, at the end of twenty sixteen, beginning of twenty seventeen and finally in 2021, they're referring me to someone. It was just it was like a very big moment for me, right? So I'm starting like because because the thing with I suppose mental health is. Once you realize something about yourself, it really becomes an integral part of your identity, doesn't it? So you're trying to you're trying to sort of. To see like, OK, what is my identity now, like, who am I? All these things that I thought about myself, like, I don't know, incompetent when it comes to house chores because I'm terrible with them. You know, am I just super lazy? Like lazy is such a thing that gets thrown around so much? You know,
Emily:
In relation to ADHD?
Seda:
Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, we're we live in a society with so much like such a toxic focus on productivity anyways, right? And we see that so much in academia, particularly. So so you're just sort of. Ok, so I guess I can rebuild my identity. Maybe I wasn't lazy all this time. Maybe I wasn't irresponsible for leaving everything to the last minute because I literally couldn't bring myself to do them. You know, so like all these things sort of start to make sense more. And I suppose that was the big like that. That was the big break that I had recently, which wasn't in my initial form that I sent to you because I was just I was just starting to rethink ADHD. Now, sadly, because of the what's the word? Because they're so overwhelmed over at the psychiatry section, I'm still waiting on an appointment. But fingers crossed, I guess. So I don't even remember what was what the question was initially, Emily, I'm really sorry. So I'll just write
Emily:
That was no, no. That was great. I've just been looking because you've basically answered about five of the questions that I had for you. No, no, no. Which is awesome because, you know, it's just you. It's just you telling your story. And you know, there's a lot that came up for me sort of during that. And it might be a little bit difficult for me to to remember some of that. But I think some of the key points that stick out for me are yet definitely that it's important to kind of shop around with your medical professional because that's an experience that I've had. It's something that I've heard about a lot, and it's very frustrating because you are in a vulnerable state when you're trying to seek medical help. And a lot of the time it's taken you quite a long time and quite a lot of courage to get to the point of even seeking help. And then that process of seeking help can actually be really, really difficult as well. Absolutely. And yeah, the fact that you saw, you know, the psychiatrist and then and then sort of didn't seek help again, for lack, quite a few years after that is unfortunately something and experience that I'm quite familiar with. Like, I think that happens a lot, and I think it's important to kind of shine a light on that, that if that does happen to you and you feel like, you know your experiences is your experience is questioned, I guess that you might want to get a second opinion.
Emily:
And that definitely, you know, advocating for a diagnosis is something that came up with Clare Griffin and one of the previous episodes as well. So, you know, and that's something that takes again, it's a lot of strength, you know, that we don't necessarily have when we're in a vulnerable state, you kind of have to come up against it again and again and again and again. And finally, get to this point where you like, you know what? No. Like, my life should not be this hard. Like I, I surely like something is wrong, and surely someone can help me with this. So I think those are really, really important points to kind of touch on. I would love to talk more about, you know, your experience as an international student and some of how you were impacted when you were, you know, perceived as a religious minority. But I just I think we probably don't have the time for it in this episode. Yeah. So I think, you know, focusing on what this journey has been like for you, even, you know, switching between two different countries, medical systems and dealing with multiple different medical professionals and, you know, kind of being shut down, you know, by a medical professional who's in a position of power over you.
Emily:
I think all of those are really, you know, difficult experiences and things that are important to talk about. And I guess just to bring it back to the impact that it has on, you know, your your role in academia. You know, I know that when I was going through a lot of my medication trials and all of that kind of thing, I was actually on intermission from my PhD, so I had space, you know? So when I was only able to sleep two hours a night, like it sucked, but I didn't have to go and do my master's or do my Ph.D. the next day like you did. So I know that that. Period of trying to, you know, get help and sort out management strategies and get a diagnosis actually takes up a lot of energy and, you know, not just pushing for that, but also just some of the potential side effects of the medication and all the extra appointments. And you know, all of that, like, it's huge. And I just would be interested if you could quickly touch on, you know, the toll that you think that might have had on your PhD journey.
Seda:
Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a that's a that's a big one, too. So, yeah, yeah. So the the thing, like you said, I want to start from the intermission part that you just mentioned. So that can be a huge problem for a lot of international students for a lot of reasons as well, because some of us are here on strict funding. Right. So like so for example, I have a scholarship from the Turkish government and that doesn't allow me to take breaks at all. Like, you can't switch to part time. You have to finish in a certain well, I mean, of course, in very extreme circumstances, they will do a case by case thing like evaluation of whether you need some rest, but. I don't think my case would have qualified. Let's say it's for much more extreme situations. So crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, you can't like I said, you can't switch to part time or you can't you can't just take a break. And there's, of course, it's not just the funding, but also students like me who are here on Tier four visa, which is like the long term study visa for international students. And I don't mean EU students, I mean international students. Of course, with Brexit, this has this has like this is changing, but I'm just going to start like talk from a non Brexit point of view, which is when I had most of my citizenship.
Seda:
So what happens is. We we are subject to a lot of different rules than home and EU students here. So I have to go and have them check my passport every so many times in a semester to show that I'm still here. I didn't flee the country or anything like that, you know, so there's like checkpoint times that you need to show. So during my masters, I had to do that sort of thing as well and during my PhD. This created like a huge crisis at some point that the first year in the first year of my PhD. So what happened was. So my PhD is a bit weird. Well, maybe not to the U.S. listeners, but for the UK listeners, it's a bit weird in that in the first year of my PhD, I had to take classes, which is not the norm in the UK. It's kind of like the exception, but it wasn't for the UK listeners. It wasn't a one one plus three. It was very much a three, but I had to take classes anyway. So what happened was in the second semester, I was taking this class, and at that time I was going through a very rough patch in terms of my mental health for a lot of different reasons.
Seda:
There was a lot of change in my life. And so I wasn't going to the classes because my insomnia was really acting up so as my anxiety and I wasn't going to these classes because in the handbook of the classroom, like the the module, it said that no attendance was necessary. Right. So and it was just five classes over like it was a five five week class, right? And in the third week or fourth week, something like that, I get an email from the university and it's basically like, Hey, we noticed that you have gone over the maximum period of non-attendance for this class. What's what's going? Basically, what's going on? Do we need to deport you now? So something like that, you know, something to that effect because and the deportation card is something that they play all the time in these emails. And as someone who does linguistics and has a lot of discourse analysis stuff, this is this is a terrible thing to do. This is an absolutely terrible, fear mongering type thing to do.
Emily:
Very manipulative.
Seda:
Absolutely, absolutely. It is. So I just I get this email and I'm like, What the fuck? Like, what the heck is going on? You know, like, I thought, I didn't have to attend these classes, so I email. Someone. And they say, Hey, no, you know what, you actually have to attend as a Tier four student because we need to check your engagement levels, is what they call it, because apparently when you're a Tier four student, you might not be engaging as well as your UK or EU national friends. Right. So needless to say, I was really pissed. So I just wrote this really long email to, you know, the international office, to some, some other people in the in the faculty basically saying, Hey, this is not OK. Stop pulling the deportation card every time something goes wrong. Also, if I had to attend this class, why wasn't this written in the module handbook? And also the fact like this engagement thing like I just went into like these tangents that I shouldn't have had to do, right? So I just looked over five different universities attendance requirements like policies, because apparently there isn't an official policy from the Home Office of the UK who basically looks after the Tier four students. It basically just says the university. At the time, it said the university decides what will count as engagement for the Tier four students and
Emily:
That their discretion.
Seda:
Exactly, exactly. So and this wasn't the case at the University of Edinburgh. I didn't have to attend like this many classes or else, you know, and I was doing a masters at the time, and now I'm doing a PhD, so surely things must have eased up a little bit, right? But so I just said to them, like, why do you have such a xenophobic like, frankly, just a xenophobic policy of Tier four students have to attend because they they they were born with a certain passport. Maybe that's what it boils down to. Yeah, that's what it boils down to, you know, and the responses I got were weren't very. Nice. Well, I mean, they weren't bad, at least the written responses weren't were weren't very bad. They were just basically, you know. And it's something that I find very sort of British. It's a cultural thing like a difference to me in that saying a lot of things to say nothing like like this inaction like to explain that sort of inaction, you know, without offending you.
Emily:
The very political style is absolutely around a subject.
Seda:
Yeah, exactly. Just, you know, just just respond to me properly. You know, it's it really doesn't sit right with me. It's a cultural thing. We don't do that sort of thing in Turkey, but. And then I had to sit down and talk to some people at my faculty about this problem. You know, and they they weren't a great help in that session. I'm sure they didn't mean to be, you know, I'm sure they didn't mean to come off as the way they did. But basically, they basically told me, you can't be writing emails like this. You need to write out like you. Maybe you need to learn how to write emails. And and they were like, You know, maybe this is a huge problem because you didn't have any of these problems in the first semester. Why are they coming up this semester? And they brought up because they were the same person who did my interview before the PhD. Like for admission? And they were like, Well, at the beginning of the thing you told me, you would like a more sort of hands on approach. So because to keep you up to up, up to speed, that's what I said. You know, like, Oh, we have classes, OK, it can keep me up to speed.
Seda:
So like, why are you saying this now? It was all very confrontational. If that makes sense and it's like if things change, you know, and and and I had another panic attack there because of that whole thing, basically. And yeah, it just it just didn't stop very well. It didn't go very well. So at that point, I just with the help of some other people in the faculty, I just kind of decided to drop it. They oh, they got back to me, by the way, they said, Oh, OK, sorry, no. It was basically like the the stakes were either we will cap your grade at the exact passing grade. So you even if you get like a 70, it will be a 50, you know, so nothing like you will just get a pass and that's it because you didn't attend the classes or if you keep not attending them, you know, the deportation card type thing. And so I just told them this wasn't written in the module. You're xenophobic. This doesn't make sense. And then they they kind of happily backtracked on that and gave me the grade I got at the end of the day, basically.
Emily:
Well, a good outcome. But yeah, again, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through this. And I think it's yeah, that's a really important point, because if I hadn't been able to take that leave and if I hadn't been able to convert to part time, so I'm a part time student now, there's absolutely no way that I would still be doing my PhD. There's just no way like it just would not have worked. And I do have a friend from Singapore that she's finished her PhD now. But yeah, I remember because she's an international student at the end, she was just like, I just have to finish. I don't have any other choice, like because of lack of my visa and like all of that kind of stuff like that, I just do not have any choice. And yeah, that's a really important point to to bring up, like for you as an international student, like those extra kind of barriers that you have and it's something I would certainly like to learn more about. And we don't have the time today. But I think, yeah, if you're listening and you'd like to know more about, you know, the impacts that being an international student can have on academic mental health.
Emily:
And please let me know. Contact me on Twitter at E King underscore Sky for science, and I'll see if maybe I can have set it back. Or maybe if someone else is is willing to have a bit of a chat about that aspect of things. And I think also yet being perceived as a religious minority is another one that I'd really like to talk a bit more about, either with you at some point or or with another guest because, you know, these are all experiences that haven't really come up on the podcast before. And it just yeah, speaks to the variety of different circumstances that academics have to deal with. So again, you know, thank you for sharing that. And you know, I have so many questions, but we've already gone long on this one, so I just have one final on that I think will kind of tie up this episode. And that is, how do you feel getting an ADHD diagnosis will alter your experience within academia?
Seda:
Mm hmm. And how how how short should I keep the answer? Give me a time frame.
Emily:
Give me, give me a couple of minutes, if you can.
Seda:
Ok. So I think, well, the first aspect is, of course, the whole affirming of your identity, affirming of all your fears. But. All these like so many years of baggage, right, so that's that's the kind of getting a diagnosis in that sense can to me in my in my context, I feel will help me immensely, especially when I'm explaining myself to other people, because sadly, I do have to explain myself to other people as to why I don't comply to certain norms. But the other thing, of course, is especially at university, like at the UK based universities and around the world, in other countries, probably as well. Getting a diagnosis can actually help you on an institutional level as well. So they will make certain allowances when you do have an official diagnosis, but they do ask for an official paper or some official document. But it makes it so much easier to ask for certain kinds of help, and especially again for international people coming to these countries from a maybe less informed background like the from countries with a less informed background on mental health issues or learning disabilities. This can be really helpful and like this should be an avenue for you to look into if you think you need extra help because extra help is actually available in some of these countries, and that is not something we're used to sometimes. I would say that.
Emily:
Yeah, yeah, OK. Well, yeah, and all the best with that. You know, I really hope that you're able to get get some closure, I guess, on this. Thank you. And and then get some extra support from the university as well for the final year or two of your PhD, hopefully. So, yeah, thank you. Thank you for sharing that so much there. And like I said, I've got so many questions. So you know, I'd love to keep in contact with you offline anyway and sort of see how you're going with things and and keep in contact. And I'm really looking forward to to learning more about your story in the next episode as well.
Seda:
Perfect.
Emily:
So you just said it. Yeah. Just a reminder for the listeners, if you'd like to get in touch with Seda, she's available on Twitter @Alassopairts and also via email, and we'll put links to those in the episode description and to you listening. Thanks so much for listening close to the end. Stick around for support resources and details on how to share your own story. I look forward to having you back in a couple of weeks to hear the next part of said a story said it will talk us through some of the support resources she's discovered, including medication and social media accounts for people with ADHD before now. Before you go, we have some support resources and information for how you can share your own story. If this episode brought anything up for you, there are mental health resources and emergency numbers available for various countries at www.CheckPoint.Org.com/Global For information found in this episode, refer to the episode description or visit the podcast section of our website www.VoicesofAcademia.com There you can also access the full transcript of this episode made available by our Lovely Voices of Academia team member Daniel Ranson This podcast was written, hosted and produced by me, Emily, with support from some very special people in my life.
Emily:
You can find me on Twitter at EKing_sci for science, but I'm part of the larger voices of Academia team. We have a website, a Twitter account @AcademicVoices and also share stories in blog form, with the option of them being anonymous. If you like this podcast and want to hear more stories, please leave a review. Subscribe! Tell me what you think on Twitter and tell your friends. The podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and most other major listening platforms. You can also follow the Voices of Academia blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Just head to our website www.VoicesofAcademia.com to sign up if you have a mental health or wellness story to share, we absolutely want to hear from you. Whether you're a team leader, research assistant, postdoc, student, ex academic or any other type of researcher. Fuller @Academic Voices on Twitter. Visit the link in the episode description or visit our website Www.VoicesofAcademia.com For details on how to share your story. It's time someone gave you a voice.
Sonix is the world’s most advanced automated transcription, translation, and subtitling platform. Fast, accurate, and affordable.
Automatically convert your mp3 files to text (txt file), Microsoft Word (docx file), and SubRip Subtitle (srt file) in minutes.
Sonix has many features that you'd love including advanced search, powerful integrations and APIs, secure transcription and file storage, collaboration tools, and easily transcribe your Zoom meetings. Try Sonix for free today.